Broken Bonds and Shattered Dreams
by Kane Lam
Summary: Sheena Shepard is resurrected to find all around her changed. She struggles to find a place for herself in a Galaxy at war while an old love goes down an all too familiar road into shadow. FemShep/Liara, Miranda friendship/?, Sequel
1. Chapter 1

**Note: This is an ME 2 continuation of the story of Sheena Shepard and Liara T'Soni. The first story, which is important for context, is Holding On to Let Go. As always, I am trying to improve my writing by continually adapting my style, so reviews are appreciated, especially any constructive criticism. If your criticism is unconstructive, at least make it humorous so the rapier strikes of your wit are more bearable.**

**Broken Bonds and Shattered Dreams**

**Chapter 1**

"It's all there" the man said, one leg over the other while his foot shook furiously.

Liara didn't bother to respond, instead tapping her fingers impatiently as a stream of data poured down the screen of her terminal. Her nails impacted against the hard surface of her desk like many heavy droplets of rain, the sound reverberating throughout her expansive office.

"Is it really necessary to skim all of it now?"

Liara's eyes narrowed. "You want my friendship? Then let me see if your goodwill is as valuable as you say it is."

Who was he to question her? Just another faceless merchant of the intangible, one of a host she relied upon to feed her appetite for information. There were many on Illium and she had grown beyond caring about their names, faces or even their feelings. To her, what they gave her, the steps she moved closer to her goal, were the only thing about them that mattered.

"This work isn't so different from what I used to do," she said, her voice distant, "I would dig away looking for forgotten things in the hopes of finding a single piece of a massive puzzle. I would scurry away to my ship and engross myself in trying to use what I had discovered to build a theory that would finally get me recognized, earn me the respect I deserved among a stuffy, academic elite. Decades I spent sweating and filthy on forsaken worlds. Most of my lifetime was spent alone, unremarkable and unnoticed."

She raised her eyes and looked at the man. He was staring at her with an empty expression on his face. She was wasting her words on this one.

"You know what the humorous thing was?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"After all that, I met a woman who, in a single moment, uncovered and confirmed everything I had sought after. All those years of work, scratching and scraping, and here she comes with it in her head, given to her on a silver platter!" The briefest hint of a smile creased her lips. "I should've been upset, but, well, she turned out to more valuable than anything I could ever have found on my own."

A single beep and a flashing cursor on her terminal indicated the data transfer was at its end. It was all there, as he promised.

"Fascinating. I had almost expected you would try to cheat me."

"I know better, Madam T'Soni."

"I would hope so. I will hear your request now." She leaned back, elbows resting on the arms of her chair, her hands joined together forming a pyramid.

He rose slowly. "I would prefer to say it to you quietly. I am always careful of who might be listening."

"Of course." She beckoned him with her hand.

To the side of her, a dark-blue asari wearing the tight-fitting suit of a commando and holding a large shotgun stood at the ready. Her face was like a stone wall and had not the slightest hint of emotion. Only her eyes moved, tracking the man's steps.

As he came upon Liara, hesitation overtook him, his eyes bouncing between her and the watchful guard. Finally, he seemed to gather up enough courage to lean in and whisper in her ear. After giving his message, he made his way slowly back to his chair and plopped himself down, awaiting her judgment.

Liara pursed her lips and shook her head slowly. "You ask me to dispense death so easily? Will money not satisfy you?"

Finally, the man seemed to be roused of out his stupor. "I gave you what you asked and now I need something. Fair is fair and you have been paid so now I need services rendered."

She sighed and a look of disgust passed over her freckled face.

"I'm not a murderer and do not kill as my trade. I will give you credits and you can take your request to the shadows of this city."

"I gave you what YOU wanted. This is personal and I know you can do it and do it without mistakes. I demand…"

"You demand nothing!" The commando snapped.

"I…I ask that you would do this," he said with in a lower tone, "The person deserves it, I promise you. They have done many horrible things. A lot of innocent people are dead because of him! I gave you the data as a sign of my desire to be your friend, Madam T'Soni. I cannot go to anyone else with this." He rubbed his hands together nervously, his eyes now staring at the floor.

Innocent people. Who was innocent anymore? On Illium and elsewhere there seemed to be only differing amounts of guilt amongst the living.

"My friendship?" Liara asked, "What a heavy cost for friendship. You have delivered what you promised. In future, I will ask much of you though. Blood is an expensive debt to repay and what you have given me here is only a down payment."

She rose and made her way to the now subservient man. He was hers now and would do whatever she requested. Blood is expensive, but it is a powerful bond. She would know better than any.

With her hands, she cradled his face and looked into his eyes. For a moment, she glowed with a blue aura, a symbolic gesture sealing his service. As the biotic display faded, she released him and nodded, a sign for him to depart.

Making her way back to her seat, she watched the door open and shut as the man left. He had entered free but now left owing more than he knew.

"Who?" the commando asked.

"Someone in the lower reaches of the city. The name he will leave with Nyxeris. Give it to one of our people. I don't want this outsourced. Mercenaries are too liberal with their crossfire and the deaths they cause."

"Anything else?"

"No. Get it done."

The asari bowed and left with a mission now clear in her head.

Liara stood again, making her way with slow, thoughtful strides towards the window that overlooked the sprawling city below. The tendrils of Nos Astra seemed to spread beyond all sight and in every direction. The horizon kindled like a perpetual dawn projected from many mighty spires reaching upwards, grasping towards the heavens.

She rubbed her eyes, now heavy as her body urged her to rest. Looking down, pushing away her fatigue, she saw the teeming masses on the trading platform below. She would often survey her burgeoning empire, confident in the fact that so many of the transactions beneath her sprawling accommodations intersected with her own interests, each bringing opportunities and profit. The aroma of spices and expensive fragrances from hundreds of worlds filled the air outside while well organized weapons dealers sold their tools of destruction with an almost clinical detachment. Clothes, food, drugs, art and even life itself was for sale. In the darker streets of the city, where none of the well-to-do inhabitants of this urban splendor would admit treading, brothels served the needs of the body while slave chattels carried on their grim business undisturbed, trading credits for dignity.

With the day's current business nearly done, she allowed her mind to wander to another matter. News from the farthest reaches of her influence had shaken her and, only now, could she unpack the emotions from deep within without fear of losing face.

"After all this time," she muttered to herself, "much sought after words reach my ears and now I can barely stomach what they have stirred in me…"

Closing her eyes, her thoughts swirling with repressed feelings, from beyond the haze a memory began to unveil in the theater of her mind. This fragment of history she had tried to bury, no longer able to bear the guilt and confusion it had brought into her life was now becoming clear.

The woman who had met her then had the look as if she was a marbled statue come to life. Her skin was ivory, flawless and smooth. Her face perfectly shaped, her hair dark and perfectly arranged to give a frame to her best features. Whatever protocol Cerberus might have had for uniforms was certainly most liberal, as her white suit clung to her body's every curve, giving the impression in shadow as if she wore nothing at all. She seemed to radiate an aura of authority and she was obviously someone who wore the mantle of command easily.

"You have done well to bring her to us," Miranda had said, "we can begin in earnest now."

"What will happen to her?" Liara had felt a sense of dread that overwhelmed what should been satisfaction at a hard-gained victory.

"We do our best to restore her. She is a powerful symbol to our people, an image of the grandeur and might of humanity not seen since our ancient myths spoke of Gods and men walking together."

"This doesn't feel right. Does not sending her to rest in peace seem more fitting? Has her life and sacrifice not earned her that?"

The woman turned to Liara, the slightest hint of haughtiness in her expression.

"Would you prefer the Collectors have taken her? I dare not imagine what things they would have done…"

"No…no of course not."

Through a window they watched how the container that served as the final resting place of Shepard was hooked up to various machines, so many white-clothed men and women swarming over it industriously like an ancient priesthood preparing funeral rites. The Collector's had cradled the make-shift casket in their arms, as if they were holding something of such preciousness and rarity that they dare not leave to chance that even the slightest gust of wind would damage their prize. Liara may not have fully understood their motives, but she knew a similar feeling that drew her to save, at any cost, the remnants of the person who lay inside; the woman that had been her bond mate, the love of her young life.

Liara had to steel herself against the emotions that would have brought her to the floor in anguish within that moment. She did not want to show weakness to the stoic women standing near her, yet she could not help but feel such a terrible sadness now that she came face to face with the image of what was left of her heart's desire. The bond, the constant thread that had tied them together no matter distance or time, had long since lost its power. Like a waning flame, it was going out, flickering slightly as only the tinder of happy recollections remained, the cold wind of time's cruel reality now threatening to sweep away what little was left of such wondrous days.

"She was my refuge…my home," Liara had said, finally betraying her feelings, "this loss is almost too much to bear…"

Miranda's eyes had only briefly glanced at Liara, returning quickly to the scene ahead.

"I'd like to say goodbye…if I could…"

The human woman sighed, her mind already having moved on from the asari next to her. Pressing a few keys on a console outside the room, she spoke.

"Clear the room. There is someone who needs to enter…alone."

The men and women inside dispersed and Liara had entered, taking a deep breath and preparing herself to come so close to that which had eluded her for so long; that which she had nearly lost to a terrible enemy.

She had approached slowly and carefully and, as she came upon the broken and unrecognizable form of the one she had loved.

For a few moments she had kept her distance, pondering what lay before her. Then, in a desperate rush of yearning, she threw herself upon the enclosure that surrounded the remnants of Shepard and clung to it for dear life. As her head rested against the coldness of its exterior, she imagined she could still hear her voice, Shepard's voice, whispering to her. She wanted nothing more than to feel a gentle breath or even the familiar smell of her hair.

Here was nothing but broken corpse. Nightmarish in its image, there was nothing of a beautiful face, a charming smile, or the hands that once had so tender a touch, instead merely cold and lifeless flesh. The horror of this sight would never leave her. All she had were memories and a few mementos she had saved from the Normandy. She had a shirt of the Commander's that she had held onto, pressing it to her nose so often and as long as it held a scent in the hopes of bringing back some part of the woman she had loved so intensely.

"Sheena…forgive me for this. If there is any chance that I can see your face again…please do not judge me harshly. Oh, to see you again my love! There is no price I would not pay. My very soul I would give to hold you again…" she had whispered through her sobbing.

After such tortured moments, Liara pulled herself away, her eyes now dry and ready to face the cold human woman again.

"Is there any hope?" Liara had asked.

"I would not abandon your time on the faint chance of what might be…" Miranda had responded.

Those words had crushed her.

"Then was this for nothing?"

"The Illusive Man believes she can be saved. All I can promise is that we will do our utmost. It will take time though."

Her mind had raced with so many scenarios. Should she wait dutifully? Return to her scholarship? Find a place on the Citadel? Maybe seek out her old friends again?

What would Shepard want? What would honor her?

Her purpose emerged within those moments. She would build something not just for herself, but for Sheena. Power she would have and a place she would prepare so that if…so that when her love returned to her she would see the fruits of her labor. Shepard would be proud of her…

Liara would invest her time wisely, constructing this home, of sorts, that would be ready and waiting. Something that Sheena could return to and find security and use in when she inevitably came back to face the real enemy…

She also would find Feron. The one who had given in his last moments to save them both.

"What of the drell?" she had asked.

"What about him?"

"Will you do nothing to rescue him after his sacrifice?"

Miranda had laughed at that question.

"Sacrifice? No, Liara. People in his profession do not know of such noble acts and you should not fool yourself into thinking otherwise. He had a job and he finished it, just barely as his own mistakes almost undid both of our efforts. Anyway, he knew the risks and we will expend no effort to 'recover' what is likely a lost cause."

_How callous._ Liara had been taken aback by that response.

"I will find him then. I will not abandon him to his fate…"

Miranda was unmoved by that statement, her face betraying no emotion.

"Do what you must, then. The best of luck in your efforts, but I would warn you that chasing someone like the Shadow Broker is unwise. If he does not kill you, you may find yourself drawn into a world from which you will not easily escape…one that has its own temptations and traps waiting…"

"I will find him…I owe him that much for what he did for me…he is a good man…"

A good man.

The memory faded and Liara found herself alone. She had memorized the note that had made her recall those painful moments.

"_Woman matching physical description of S. Shepard seen on Omega. Aria's own DNA scan indicates match with sample on file. In company of a human male and female. All of them, as well as their ship, bearing the markings of Cerberus. Rumors that Shepard was also seen on a prison ship are yet unconfirmed. Other indications lead us to believe that she may also have been seeking the assistance of a Krogan warlord….but once again no confirmation. Will continue to monitor situation and report back with news."_

She had thought she would be overjoyed at this message…but after so long she was filled with doubt and more confused than pleased. Shepard could be alive…an idea she had nearly given up on seeing come to be.

Her door opened and Nyxeris, her well-mannered and useful assistant approached. The asari bowed in respect before she spoke.

"Madam T'Soni, I have uploaded all the current reports from the field as well as the latest investment portfolio results to your console. You may review them as you wish…"

At this moment, Liara was not particularly interested in reading any of that, but she had her work, her purpose. Feron was still out there and, even after two years, she would not give up on finding him. She would also not let go of her desire to see the Shadow Broker pay with his, or its, very life.

She had a debt to repay. One of the very few people in the Galaxy she had come to count on and even, with time, to admire could still be out there.

"Thank you Nyxeris…"

The woman began to turn to leave.

"Wait!"

Nyxeris halted her movement and turned her attention again to Liara. She was ever willing to answer her master's call.

"Keep an eye out for any incoming ships that have the name 'Normandy' or are registered to Cerberus. More than that if you hear of…hear of a Commander Shepard, let me know immediately…"

Nyxeris nodded with understanding.

"I hope we shall see your friend soon."

Liara waved her hand, dismissing the assistant.

"Yes, Madam T'Soni."

Liara, for the moment, compartmentalized her emotions into a safe place. She had few last tasks to attend to and, returning to her desk, she locked away again a broken heart. Her fingers moved adeptly across the inputs of her terminal. Her mind and body were once again in harmony, totally focused on sorting through her new life's work…the endless data that she built her success on; the information that would lead her to a friend and to unleashing her vengeance on one who deserved a terrible fate.

As Nyxeris left the room and found her way back to her desk, she could no longer contain the smirk on her face.

"Patience has paid off," she said under her breath, "and my work can really begin."

The CIC deck of the Normandy was bustling with activity, as usual. The soft glow of terminals and their intensely occupied operators were like an audience to the symphony of electronic beeps and buzzes, the music of human speech and expression that played itself out in the center of the room. Men and women moved with determination, here and there, constantly ferrying messages and checking on the various 'little' things that kept the entire operation running. Standing on a podium above the Galaxy Map, Shepard felt like she was the great director of some grand performance and all her stage crew and actors lay before her, awaiting her whim.

All of this was still very disorienting to her. From her inglorious awakening aboard a station under siege to this moment, she had not been able to rest fully for even a single night cycle. She was constantly busy attending to her growing squads' needs, mission preparation, the Illusive Man's constant reminders of her purpose, as well as the various administrative tasks that rounded out her days.

"Damn it!" she said to herself as she once again failed to maneuver through the ships' systems. Her fingers seemed clumsy as she they pressed forward again and again on the screen before her and frustration mounted as she seemed to be going further away from her goal.

Not far from her, a red-haired woman, slim and easy to look at, cocked her head at the Commander's outburst.

"Do you need help, Shepard?" she said as she moved towards her.

"Ah, I think so. I guess I have not adapted to the new Normandy's computers. I can't seem to find my messages and have somehow ended up in random directories. I am afraid I might stumble upon a crew member's collection of dirty vids or images…"

Kelly Chambers smiled and placed herself right next to Sheena, a rather intimate proximity.

"What a shocking thought! Well, you have to just press here and here…" the woman began to say. Kelly was so near to Shepard that her short, fiery hair almost touched her face. She smelled of vanilla and other sweet things, a well matched scent to the milky complexion and lovely manner of the woman. With great regularity, while explaining the technical ins and outs of completing the immensely 'complex' task of checking messages, Kelly would look out of the corner of her eye towards Shepard. It almost seemed as if she were trying to read into the Commander, seeking some subtle indicators of which only she knew of. Her secretive gaze would dart back and forth between the terminal screen and the dark haired woman next to her. Kelly found her wandering looks caught by Shepard's own staring.

Shepard WAS looking at Kelly, rather than paying full attention to her explanation. It was not out of some romantic stirring, or at least not any she recognized, but instead the result of some other deepening interest. Kelly's face, her expressions, always showed fascination and an almost constant state of wonderment. Her body language and demeanor were so eager and ready to please. She would always inquire into Sheena's feelings, her thoughts and even personality. While everyone else seemed to want something, Kelly gave. As cynical as she wanted to be of her intentions, Shepard could not discount the woman next to her. She felt that her concern was genuine…that maybe, just maybe she really cared.

Or maybe Shepard was just desperately lonely. It was nice to feel like someone liked her for just for being herself. Kelly also reminded her of someone else…

"And there you go! Right back to where you need to be!" she said, completing her lesson of the embarrassingly easy task that had confused Shepard.

"How simple. Thank you."

"It is my pleasure, Shepard."

Kelly moved gracefully away, almost floating back to her own area of the deck. She seemed to be in high spirits, though that was not an unusual condition.

Looking through what messages she had, Shepard was unsurprised to see her biggest 'fans' were the Illusive Man and some spammer who wanted help her lover become more "well endowed".

"Too bad I don't have to worry about that problem in my sex life…" she thought to herself.

Then again, she didn't have a sex life. Nor a real social life according to her lack of personal messages. Being dead is a terrible inconvenience when it comes to expanding ones network of friends.

The elevator door behind her swung open and now another familiar figure emerged. The ever watchful brunette now moved towards Shepard, her hips swaying as she did so.

"Commander Shepard," Miranda said, "we are nearing our destination. We will soon be within range of the asari world of Illium."

The accented woman, for all her strengths, had little talent when it came to small conversation. Her directness was occasionally off-putting, if efficient.

With a sigh, Shepard logged out of her dismal personal message account and looked towards her second-in-command.

"Another planet, another bunch of warriors to bring to our cause, I assume?"

"Indeed, Shepard. Two individuals this time, an asari and a drell who both will benefit us greatly. It will not be easy finding them, but I am sure a friend of yours will be able to help us."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, her interest piqued.

"A friend? Of mine? I have not many of those so I am eager to hear of this 'friend'."

Miranda bit her lip, betraying no small amount of concern.

"Well, perhaps we shall talk about this in private. Aside from the missions at hand I wanted to also discuss a personal matter that I may need to attend to on the planet. If you would join me in my office shortly, I can fill you in then."

Shepard's mind was now engaged in discovering who this mysterious friend might be. Her catalogue of associates was not long, but she still was at a loss when it came to pinpointing who now waited for her.

"I will be down shortly."

With that, Shepard again turned and began to fiddle with her terminal again.

Miranda lingered awkwardly for a few moments. She was fidgeting, almost as if she was struggling at coming up with something else to say to engage the Commander.

"Shepard, uhm," she began, "I also wanted to ask how…how you were doing? Are you getting along well enough?"

Shepard again turned, giving her full attention.

"Well…so far everything is as well as it can be. I have to say the charming Kelly Chambers has been of great help to me as I stumbled around this new ship."

Kelly, her eyes still focused on her work, pretended not to hear. The way her face lit up at hearing herself mentioned gave away her inner delight nonetheless.

Miranda glanced at the ship psychologist, her expression showing skepticism.

"Has she now? Well, I am glad Ms. Chambers is aiding you. Should you ever need anything from me, do not hesitate to ask."

"Of course."

With that, Miranda once again seemed to be conflicted in how to best end the more "personal" conversation she just had. Settling on a firm nod, she made her exit.

Shepard was not sure what to make of that one.

Returning to her "work", she began to search through the extranet and see what data was available on each of her old companions. With the ever sarcastic Garrus, or Archangel as he dramatically was once called, aboard ship that even further narrowed the list of who Miranda might be referring to.

Whoever it was, she looked forward to the reunion. It would be nice to see another friendly face in a Galaxy that so far had seemed to be filled with endless tragedy and thoughtless rancor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Broken Bonds and Shattered Dreams**

**Chapter 2**

As the elevator door opened to the crew deck of the Normandy, Shepard moved quickly and purposefully towards Miranda's office. There were men and women, all clad in white Cerberus uniforms, milling about and as she passed they all gave their attention and greeted her with respect. She would smile and nod at them, doing her best to recall their names and some personal fact that she may know about them to show that she was 'involved'.

In reality, she could not have felt more disconnected. Unlike on the old Normandy, these people had been thrust upon her. Not long after she had been dragged back into the light of life, relationships with various individuals, most who she did not yet trust, were formed not out of great deeds or common interest, but out of the fact that this was what the Illusive Man provided. She either would use what he gave or…well, there were no other options.

Giving her best imitation of a politician making their way through crowds on a campaign trail, she finally found herself outside of her XO's office. The short distance from the elevator her destination felt like a long mile considering how many times she had to say "Hey good to see you!" or "How is the girlfriend back home?" Such statements occasionally got her into trouble as she would sometimes mix up her memories. Asking one crewmember how his wife was feeling turned awkward when she had forgotten than his spouse had cheated on him and had broken off their marriage months ago, hence his reason for joining Cerberus. A hurried apology and fast exit had got her out of that situation none too soon.

As the door to Miranda's quarter's, which also served as her office, opened she found the "cheerleader", as Jack liked to call her, sitting at her usual spot in front of a computer terminal.

"I love what you've done with the place!" Shepard said sarcastically. Miranda, for being such a classy and beautiful woman, didn't seem to have much of an interior design sense. For her position, her room was very plain and uninviting. Even the bedroom in the back, where one might think such a sultry individual would pay particular attention, was bland. The bed was perfectly made, the sheets so tightly tucked in that Shepard imagined an old coin would bounce off of it. The only point of real interest was the window, staring out into the wonder of space. She liked to think that the coldness of the void and Miranda's personality had something in common, so then the view.

The brunette shot an icy look at her, clearly not amused.

"Not a laugher, check."Shepard thought to herself. She had to get her mental notes straight "She's the uptight one. Garrus is the one with a sense of humor."

"I have more important things to attend to than preparing for social calls, as you might imagine." Miranda responded after a few moments.

"I apologize. I had forgotten you were filling out your reports. Have you already told the Illusive Man what I had for breakfast, or does that come AFTER the color of my underwear?"

Despite Miranda not having a funny bone in her body, Shepard still loved to poke at her. Maybe it was side effects of being a dead person come back to life, but she felt that existence was so fragile a thing you may as well entertain yourself and do your best to do so with others, all to bring a smile to their face.

Then again, it may just be the part of her that liked being an ass to someone so cocky and tightly-strung who also seemed vaguely jealous of her.

"Shepard!" Miranda began with a frustrated look on her face, "I try my BEST to make you happy, to run the day-to-day so you aren't bothered! Why do you insist on…"

"Calm yourself, Miranda! I apologize!" Shepard said with a sigh, "Just having a bit of fun is all. I appreciate you, I do!"

She was too pretty to have such low self-esteem.

Miranda collected herself from her brief outburst. She leaned back in her chair and gave a forced smile.

"I am sorry for…getting upset…" she said.

"Don't worry yourself Ms. Lawson. Even when your face flashes in anger, you are still ever so fair and pleasant…"

"First you insult me then you lay praises on me? After researching everything there is to know about your person and then rebuilding you piece by piece, I still do not understand you."

Shepard appeared coy.

"Oh, me? I am a simple girl who, if not for this military life, would probably wear a modest country dress and spend her time making butter by hand and skipping rocks upon ponds on warm summer days…"

Miranda placed her hand upon her forehead as if she was totally overcome by this interaction. Either Shepard's charms had overwhelmed her senses or she was about to blow up again.

"You always make me lose my train of thought with your…your…whatever! I have completely forgotten what I had wanted to say to you now…" Miranda said, doing her best to hide a grin.

Now confident in her ability to engage her second-in-command on a personal level, Shepard was ready to get down to business.

"Well, enough of me annoying you, dear Miranda. I believe you wanted to discuss a plan of action for Illium as well as tell me of a friend I will be seeing?"

"Ah, yes. That is correct. Well, Shepard, this is not easy to talk about considering your…" Miranda seemed to trail off; her tongue tied as she sought the most sensitive way to broach what she felt was an uncomfortable subject.

"My? My what?"

"Well, your relationship with this person."

"I had good relationships with all my old crew. I'd like to think they would still remember our time together fondly unless in your files you have discovered that somehow one of them secretly despised me."

Miranda still seemed lost in thought, her eyes turned upward as her brain tried to piece together a sentence.

"Well," Miranda began, regaining her ability to speak, "this relationship was, is different. Liara T'Soni is on Illium."

Shepard's jovial mood faded. Her heart seemed to skip a beat and from deep places within her being that had not been explored since she was 'reborn', powerful feelings now emerged.

"L…Liara?" she said weakly.

Miranda leaned forward, a look of concern on her face.

"Yes, your former…companion."

"She was more than a companion!" Shepard snapped, "She was, she IS very special to me. I haven't even had time to…to talk to her…to send her a message…"

She felt so distraught now. After being alive for a time, she didn't even think to get back in touch with Liara. Damnable mission, damnable everything! How could I have neglected Liara?

"Perhaps, Commander, if I could be so bold, it was good that you didn't get in touch with her before. Anyway, you have been very busy since my sweet voice woke you from your sleep."

Shepard felt Miranda was now trying her best to lighten a message that had come as such a blow.

"I must go see her as soon as we get there. I…I…"

She began to frantically touch her face.

"I must look so awful! These stupid red scars! What will she think? What about my…my hair! She used to love my hair! I am not ready for this! I have to get ready!"

"Commander…" Miranda said with the look of someone bearing grim tidings, "I must remind you two years have passed. People change in that time Commander."

"What do you mean? What is Liara doing now? Is she back at her studies again? I would think she would have loved going to Illos and exploring. She loved to go on and on about Protheans and their ruins and the papers she would eventually publish when we got Saren. She was so sweet in those moments; her eyes would just light up and…"

Miranda's face had contorted into a look of very deep worry. The change stopped Shepard's overflowing mouth.

"What's wrong Miranda? Did something happen to Liara?"

"I don't know how to say this. No, she didn't go back to her old way of life. She is…she is very different now. She is an Information Broker, Shepard. She runs a very successful business and is well known in the industry."

"I see. Information brokers. That can be sort of like research right?"

"Uh, maybe after a fashion. It is not an entirely 'clean' profession…"

"What are you saying?" Shepard said with her arms crossed in a defensive posture.

Miranda shook her head slowly.

"It is better you see Liara for yourself. I am sure you can talk to her about…about all that has happened."

"You are worrying me, Miranda. Is she alright? Is she in danger?"

"I cannot say. I would just prepare yourself for a different sort of reception than you might be imagining."

Shepard sat quietly for a few moments, her thoughts racing.

"What does The Illusive Man know about all this? Why did he not tell me?"

"Shepard, the Illusive Man does not want you to be distracted. If he had his way, we would have never come to this place. Unfortunately, by our mission we are compelled to go to Illium. I would just say be wary of placing your trust in Liara now…or being too excited…"

"Those words don't comfort me, Miranda. I will go to her. She and I had something very special. We did things for each other. She helped me with a very personal matter and I am indebted to her, even bound to her in that. I am sure she will be glad to see me and I will be happy to see her as well."

Miranda sighed, feeling as if nothing she said would help the situation.

"Tread lightly, Commander."

"You said there was another matter. One relating to you?" Shepard said, quickly pivoting the conversation.

"Indeed. It has to do with…with a sibling of mine…"

* * *

"A lot of rich folks here. SOFT and rich, to be sure." Jack said with a greedy smirk.

"Stay focused. We have a mission." Shepard responded as they moved quickly through the docking area. It was not until they came out of that rather confined and uninteresting part of the city that the full sight of Illium broke upon them.

Omega had been her first introduction to the 'splendor' that was the Terminus Systems. Shepard had set very low expectations for this planet only to find that she had greatly miscalculated.

The world was a marvel, Nos Astra a city unlike any she had ever seen. High towers extended upwards with their peaks like islands hanging in the sky. In the distance, one saw nothing but an unending expanse of blazing lights and sparkling color. Like bands of golden chains, vehicles traversed the aerial lanes, crisscrossing and forming wondrous patterns set against the backdrop of urban glory. The jewel of the Terminus Systems this most certainly was.

The trading floor outside of their docking area was like a city unto itself. Asari, both young and old, moved confidently around what was a home to them, their collected mass like a sea of blue shifting to and fro. Their slim and beautiful forms were draped with such remarkable clothing, their slender and noble necks and fingers glittering with fine decoration and gems. Shepard felt very inadequate here. Her senses were overwhelmed. Whatever disorientation that lingered from resurrection was now made worse into a sort of vertigo. She had to stop and collect herself from it all.

All so lovely. So magical and mysterious.

"Liara has done well for herself to make a name here…" she said under her breath.

"Don't get too impressed," began Garrus, "it's like any other place. Nice and shiny on the first glance, but once you stay awhile you realize the same old dirt gets done."

"I thought I was the negative one," Jack said, "but yeah, it's probably as shitty a place as any."

"It is still beautiful." Shepard said insistently.

"The scenery or the pretty girls, Shepard?" Jack said with a self-satisfied expression.

"As usual you ruin the moment. I am only here to see ONE gir…lady."

"Sure thing, Commander. I'll promise to look but not touch the goods…if you do the same."

Garrus disapprovingly shook his head.

Shepard had grown increasingly annoyed by the tattooed woman's constant prodding about her sexuality. She didn't know if Jack was trying to "rib her" in a fun way or was just picking at her to get a reaction.

"Anyway," Garrus said, "you must be excited to see Liara again after all this time? With you wearing your make-up and all…"

Jack chortled at the observation.

"I AM very much looking forward to seeing her. I am sure we both have changed a bit. I have no doubt she is still the same…"

Shepard choked up, only barely catching the rollercoaster of emotions before it went downhill.

"The same precious woman she was before."

"I am sure she is, Shepard. I am certain you will find a welcome here."

"I heard she was kind of a geek," Jack interjected, breaking right into Garrus' attempts at reassurance, "Whatever her story is I am saying right NOW that I came to blow shit up, not watch any hot and heavy make out…"

"You really are the worst." Garrus said.

"Enough of this! We have business to attend to." Shepard said, realizing they had been standing in one place awkwardly staring at the skyline far too long during their conversation. She was eager to move on from both.

The trio weaved in and out of the crowds. The collective madness of frenzied trading filled the air with shouts as "Buy, Buy!" and "Sell, Sell!" could be heard along with excited screams and anguished cries. Huddled groups and their whispered secrets could also be witnessed as great plots and schemes were hatched.

"There it is! The Administration building." Jack said, pointing to a structure overlooking the commercial area.

"Did you figure that out yourself, or did the huge letters forming the word 'ADMINISTRATION' tip you off?" Garrus said wryly.

Jack scowled as they now maneuvered towards where Liara was supposed to be found.

Climbing up a large staircase, they found a simple reception area and a purplish-asari with markings across her face waiting. A smile came upon her as she stepped forward to meet Shepard and her squad.

"Commander Shepard! Liara has been greatly anticipating your arrival since your ship docked. I am Nyxeris, her assistant."

"I don't like her…" Jack whispered to Garrus.

"I am sure most people feel the same about you..." he answered back.

"It is good to meet you, Nyxeris. It looks like Liara has been very successful…" Shepard said.

"Oh, yes! She is well respected and a very powerful woman. She could have that much more influence if she…well if she had more focus on matters of business rather than those which are close to her heart."

It was a very odd thing to say.

"Well, anyway Commander, please go on inside. I am sure you will be very sur…I mean! I mean she will be very surprised to see you!"

Raising an eyebrow in confusion at the strange purple woman, Shepard moved towards the door before her.

The door flew open and Shepard was introduced to the darker side of Illium more quickly than she anticipated.

"I don't have it. I told you that already. I just need a few more…" a stuttering and balding human said, his image projected against a large window on the far end of the office.

"You call yourself a man?" Liara said, her voice now deep and harsh, "Have you ever faced an asari commando squad before? Few humans have. "

Those were who mother's words, not her own.

"You have a week to pay what's owed. Otherwise, you can wait for my people to pay a visit to your people. It will be a brief exchange, which I think you know."

The image faded quickly. A reflection in the now clear glass alerted the asari to her visitors.

"Sheena!" Liara exclaimed.

She turned, her mouth agape and moved swiftly towards Shepard.

Everything about her seemed so similar to how Shepard remembered her. Her face had its same smoothness, freckles still dotted under her eyes. As Liara came close to her, their foreheads touched, their focus fixed on each other. The asari ran her cheeks gently against Shepard's face, leaving a trail of warmth and sending what felt like electricity through her body.

For a moment, the distance of two years felt closed. Everything was returning. Old feelings bubbled within the Commander and burdens began to ease upon her shoulders. Her heart filled again with a new blood, enriched with a potency of love reawakened. Shepard closed her eyes, it all felt too perfect. A yearning that had been buried now felt the very thing that would satisfy within its grasp. She could hear Liara breathing, sense the beating of her own heart quickened.

Then, within a moment, it all passed. Shepard felt Liara pull away. As she did, like a mirage disappearing before a thirsty man wandering, her vision came into focus and she saw something else in the woman before her. Whether it was the light in the room or the general mood in the air, there seemed to be a darkness cast against the one who she had fallen in love with, who she still felt in love with. Her eyes no longer were wide and glowing with wonderment, but now were narrowed, targeted like those of a bird of prey. Her face was still smooth but as if made so from the wear of erosion and hardship rather than newborn innocence. So much the same, yet still hard to recognize.

"Shepard. It is very good to see you." Liara said flatly. She motioned towards a chair opposite her own.

"I am very happy to see you too, Liara. I don't know what to say after what must have been so much time for you…" Shepard was trying to restrain her emotions, her voice as monotone as she could make it.

"Yet, here you are. Working for Cerberus and going for the Collectors. I am glad to be able to be of service to you."

Her abruptness shook any remnant of warm feelings from Shepard. Straight to business, it seemed, was the order of the day.

"Ah, yes. We are looking for a two people. Before that though, I was hoping to see how you…"

"I am fine, Shepard. As you can see I have made quite a start here on Illium. People wanted to be my friend after Saren's fall. Friendship became a network and soon that network made me a successful information broker. I have been VERY good at my work."

Jack and Garrus were clinging to the far end of the room, closest to the door. The turian had a pained expression on his face, as if somehow he knew how uncomfortable this must be for Shepard. The biotic was far more forward with her words. Leaning in closely to Garrus, she whispered.

"They were together? Hard to tell with how bitchy she's being to Shepard…"

"This is going to be rough on her. Especially with everything else…" he muttered in reply. He turned his attention downward and shook his head.

"I see. I heard you were very successful. Part of me thought I would find you on some dig site somewhere. Did you ever manage to get back to Illos?" Shepard said, her voice ever so slightly cracking.

"No, Shepard. I didn't. Other things occupied my time since you, well since you left. This work isn't so different from a dig site, to be honest. It's always dark and the bodies still smell."

Shepard winced. Liara's statement was unpleasant to the ears.

"Oh. Well. You look good." She was at a loss of what to say. All that she thought would be uttered at this reunion now became ashes in her mouth, bitter and purposeless. Her stomach churned as another memory flooded into her head. Faintly, she thought she could hear a hideous laughter.

Liara nodded firmly at the compliment.

"Well," Shepard began again, "I am seeking Thane Krios and Samara, a Justicar of your people. Our information has led us to believe they are here."

"Yes, you are correct. Nyxeris has already prepared the data you need and will transfer over where to begin you search."

For a few moments things were silent. Shepard couldn't see it, but the faint red scars on her face flared ever so slightly.

"Liara. I didn't just come here for that. I came to talk to you."

The asari leaned back in her chair. Her eyes fixed on the woman before her as she listened.

"I want to know about YOU, not just this mission. It seems like you don't want to speak to me, though."

"Don't you think I want to, Shepard?" Liara said suddenly, "This isn't the time though. There is much to do and I can never be sure who is listening…"

"Listening? What do you mean, Liara? Damn it, can't you just talk to me? Are you in danger?"

"I WANT to talk but...but I have work to do."

Shepard took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Well, if you have trouble. Maybe you can come with me and we can…"

"No!" Liara snapped, slamming her fist into the table, "I have WORK. Important debts to repay and obligations to meet. I can't just leave those behind. I am trying to build something here. Something that can help me and help us."

"What kind of debts, Liara? The kind that you have to threaten people with death for?"

The room was silent. Shepard's two companions both were doing their best to survive in the thick air of tension in the room.

Liara's expression softened.

"Let's not argue. What you saw was unfortunate. They always end up paying, though."

"Do they now?"

"Don't look at me like that. You wouldn't, you couldn't understand the things I've had to do to survive. You weren't here."

Having her death thrown into her face once again, the fact that ever reminded her of how out of touch she found herself was hard to bear from Liara. Worse, it seemed her 'bondmate' had forgotten how much she could relate to hardship of any kind.

Swallowing deeply, Shepard began to speak again slowly.

"Fine. I won't press."

Another few moments of quiet passed before Liara spoke again.

"If you want to help…there are a few things you can do for me…"

The meeting beyond that was unremarkable. More things to attend to and more to add to the list. Garrus and Jack didn't speak for some time, themselves still sorting out what had just transpired.

Shepard was furious. She was frustrated and bitter now. Her training as a soldier made her actions all habit and instinct now. Identify, seek, and destroy. That's all that mattered. No more thoughts, no more painful reflections. Put off those as long as you can.

During a task for Samara, the noble and icy Justicar, Shepard walked into another unfortunate reunion.

They were entering a silent room on the hunt inside an Eclipse base. Scanning the area, only a dimly flickering terminal could be seen. Shepard's senses were on overdrive now though, and though she couldn't spot a person, she knew someone was there.

She raised her pistol and aimed at towards the ground. Muttered and frightened words could be heard.

"Come out! I know you are there!"

A woman rose. A young fresh-faced asari with big eyes and full lips. The same asari who she had spared years ago.

"Wait! Stop! I didn't fire my…" the young woman began as she stood. She froze as she saw into a familiar face. "Oh, shit…"

"You've got to kidding me." Shepard said in anger. With a mighty surge she grabbed the asari and pushed her into the wall, the impact knocking the wind out of the girl.

"Look! I didn't do anything…I…"

"Don't LIE to me you BITCH! Two years later and you are with the same group I left you to crawl away from?! What were you doing here?"

"Please! I didn't…I didn't…" the young asari was pleading now.

Pulling her back and slamming her against the wall again, Shepard began to speak.

"Don't LIE!"

As she said those words, the safety on her pistol released. Its barrel extended and touched right beneath the girls chin.

Trembling, she began to speak through her fear.

"Look, ok, I did it. The volus, I killed him. I shot him. It was me."

With that revelation, Shepard seemed to lose her nerve. A look of utter defeat came over her and her shoulders slumped. The arm holding her gun fell by her side and she looked downward. Leaning into the erect body of the woman before her, she searched for words.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"Wha…what?"

"Why?" Shepard yelled, her eyes now glowing red as she stared at the floor.

"It, it was my initiation…"

"Why'd you go back? Why'd you go back to this life?"

"It's what all maidens do. Some of my friends strip and dance and others do this. We…we look for new experiences. I am no different from anybody else."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Enjoy it?"

"Killing him. The volus."

"I…I thought it would be cool. To impress my friends."

Pushing herself away from the girl, Shepard shook her head slowly.

"Impress your friends? I let you go so you could do something different with your life. Here you are again, right back where you started. I should kill you in this place, just for the crime you admitted to. Instead I feel sorry for you. What a fucked up Galaxy where a young asari, with all the wisdom and culture your people have, sees no options but showing your tits or murder for hire."

The girl stood, speechless.

"What's your name again?"

"I…I am Elnora."

"Elnora. A pretty name. You are young aren't you?"

"Yes. Not that far into adulthood…"

Shepard slowly moved forward and cradled Elnora's face in her hands, her thumbs making gentle circles as if massaging the asari.

"Look at you. What should I do with you? So beautiful and new. I tried to save you, but you got a taste for blood didn't you?"

Elnora just stared, anxious and frightened that at any moment her life could end.

"I am not going to kill you, Elnora. I don't have the heart to. There are choices to be made in life, but sometimes our environment is so dark that we forget there is anything of light in this world, and our view narrows to the very worst roads we can follow. I can't blame you for what you've become. I can only be heartbroken."

The asari breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you…thank you." She said weakly.

Shepard leaned her heard forward slowly and placed a single kiss on Elnora's cheek. Her mouth lingered there a moment and as her lips withdrew from the blue skin of the asari, she whispered something.

"I am sorry I have to hurt you. This is so you won't forget. This is so they won't kill you when they realize you didn't stop me."

With a swift hand, Shepard punched the asari in the gut. Again and again she hit her, focused and powerful blows. The girl screamed, raising her arms to defend herself only to find it was in vain against so trained a warrior. Eventually, Elnora dropped to the floor, crying now and with blood pouring from her mouth and nose.

"Please! Stop!" she cried.

Shepard didn't stop. She reared her legs again and again and kicked the bloodied girl beneath her.

Garrus moved forward as if to stop the assault, but Jack put out an arm to halt his intentions.

"No. The asari deserves it and Shepard needs this."

Garrus looked on but stepped no further.

The vicious assault continued as hands and feet were used as bludgeons against a whimpering asari. She had stopped pleading now and only pained sobs came from her mouth as she struggled to survive. After a time, even Jack grimaced, taken aback by what she saw.

Finally, Shepard ceased the attack. Her body heaving with breaths and sweat dripping from her forehead, she got down on her knees and spoke to the battered girl.

"I gave you a chance to walk away before. You spit it right back into my face. I'd like to think you'll learn from today, but I know you won't. I know you are going to hop right back into a crime spree. It is too late for you. I just gave you a taste though of what happens in the line of work you have chosen. You don't know SHIT about what you are getting yourself into."

With that, again Shepard produced her sidearm and jammed it right into the girl's mouth.

"You listen to me good. We have met by chance twice already. Next time, there won't be any randomness to it. This whole damn universe may be going to hell, but I swear to you one thing. If I hear a hint of you, a single whisper of your name attached to something like what you have done, I am going to find you. I don't care if I am halfway across the Galaxy and seconds away from saving our existence, I will turn my damn ship around and find you. When I do, I am going to rip to pieces any supposedly bad ass asari around you. Then I am going to take this gun, the one that is in your mouth now, and ram it so far into your throat that when I pull the trigger the bullets are going to come out of your ass. Do you understand me?!"

The girl, barely able to move, just blinked through her tears in acknowledgement.

"What the FUCK is wrong with everybody?!" Shepard yelled as she stood.

She turned and looked at her squad mates, both in total shock at what they had seen.

"Let's go," she commanded as she took a step forward. Suddenly, she stopped. "Hold on, I forgot one thing."

Turning towards the girl on the floor she gave one, final and swift kick to the head of Elnora. The asari went limp, now unconscious.

"Now we go."

Shepard's face had more red lines across it now. A faint, bloody glow could be seen in her eyes. She began to move quickly onwards towards the mission goals.

Jack turned to Garrus, still blown away.

"I had always thought she was a goody-two shoes." she said.

"What you saw was an example of her mercy to a defeated enemy. I've seen the other side of that coin."

"Vae Victus, I guess."

The two began to sprint to catch up with Shepard, leaving the broken body of Elnora alone. Blood slowly pooled near her mouth as her mind was silenced, still struggling to cope with the pain caused.


	3. Chapter 3

**Broken Bonds and Shattered Dreams**

**Chapter 3**

Shepard had managed to keep the tempest of her emotions that now swirled inside her, laying waste to what little peace she had, bottled up tightly aboard ship. Part of her deeply regretted hurting Elnora back on Illium, but another portion of her being still clung to the faint notion that maybe she could turn one person away from such a life. As she moved through the corridors of the Normandy, she smiled and nodded, greeting those who welcomed her back aboard. Finding both Thane and Samara quarters suited to their tastes, she also visited them, spending considerable time getting to know each and, in her mind, leaving a good impression.

Keeping a tight lid on her true feelings was something she had been adept at. She had grown lax since she had met Liara. Even with death and rebirth, she had remained more playful, open and ever more willing to let her true feelings, both sad and happy, shine out as he had been when her love was by her side. She didn't want that anymore, to have her heart and mind be so visible. Yet, what raged within could no longer be truly put away as her face was etched with red scars, themselves seeming as if they were the cracks of an ancient volcano, full of burning and molten rock pouring upwards from a powerful churning anger deep inside the earth. She felt naked, revealed, and she wanted now to hide away herself from the prying eyes of others. This wish could not be fulfilled, not aboard a ship like this. She would have to wear the same detached and ever strong character her crew expected and needed. Or at least try to.

Upon entering the CIC deck, Kelly had smiled at her, an expression tempered with the knowledge that seeing Liara had hurt her. It seemed that was an open secret now, and Shepard felt that all around her were whisperings about how tragic her situation was, how bad they felt for her, how lonely the Commander must be. She didn't want their pity. She didn't want their sympathy.

None of that mattered to Kelly though. She had run to her, the hug she gave ostensibly in greeting but she had held tight, pulling Shepard into her embrace.

"It is so good to see you, Shepard. I am very glad you are safe."

Despite how awkward it must've seemed to others to linger so long in the arms of what was to be her assistant, she found she didn't care. Her life at this point was already open for all to see, so she might as well find solace in one who was so free with their affection. Kelly didn't seem to mind either, her head resting in Shepard's chest, her ears no doubt hearing the beating of a now confused heart.

After a few moments, they both gently pushed apart from one another. Shepard managed to muster a weak smile while Kelly's eyes searched her face. It must have been as obvious as it would be to anyone with sight that the now expanding scars were a sign of some inner turmoil.

"If you ever need to talk, I am here." Kelly said in a hushed tone. She stared a few moments longer and then slid back on her "professional" face, playing a role for the audience on deck.

"Well, Commander, you have a few messages at your private terminal. Let me know if you need me for anything!" she said in a cheery voice.

"Kelly," Shepard began, "Is Miranda in her office?"

"Yes, Commander. She just sent me a message a few moments ago."

"Good, I need to speak with her."

After fiddling with her private terminal for a few moments and becoming terribly depressed at the content of the messages, most asking for favors, Shepard moved on to the Crew Deck, her tongue ready to unleash harsh words for her second-in-command.

The door to Miranda's office opened and Shepard found herself stunned at what she saw.

A genuine, warm smile crept over Miranda's face and, like a new dawn, it set alight all her features.

"Shepard!" she said, her eyes wide and almost trembling with joy, "I was waiting for you. I cannot thank you enough for what you did for my sister. No one has ever done something like that for me, not without a price. I don't know what to say."

So much for a righteous and angry outburst. Her rage melted away. Seeing Miranda reunited with her younger sister and also spared from a life under a tyrannical father had made her feel satisfied, an emotion not so often found anymore in her work.

"It was my pleasure. I was glad to see you so happy and I am pleased that your sister is now safe and with a family that will love and shelter her."

Miranda stood and motioned for Shepard to join her on a couch with its backdrop a view of the stars themselves. As they both sat, the usually rigid woman seemed at ease now, many of her usual defenses down.

"You are in a rare mood, Miranda. It is lovely to see your face shining as it is now." Shepard found herself unable to be rough with the beaming woman next to her now even as conflicting emotions from her time on Illium gnawed on her.

"Am I not allowed to be so happy?" Miranda asked with playful indignation.

"Of course you are. I just hope to see more of it."

"I hope you aren't teasing me again? That, or is there truly a country-maiden, as you said earlier, beneath that no-nonsense exterior?"

"You rebuilt me didn't you? Did you not peer into the deepest parts of my personality?"

Miranda smirked with confidence now, the memory of her life's finest work coming back to her.

"Indeed, I did rebuild you. A damn fine job, if I say so myself. I did see QUITE a bit of you, Shepard. Yet, not even my skill could account for your personality, being what it is."

"Oh? What is that mysterious aspect then that you now discover?"

The question seemed to take Miranda by surprise. A slight panic seemed to grip her and, as if trying to get a hold of herself, she ran her fingers through her dark hair in thought.

"Ah, um."

Shepard couldn't help but grin. Had she actually managed to disarm the ever stoic Cerberus loyalist?

"Well," Miranda began, "sometimes you are forceful, commanding, even violent. Then in another moment you are deep and thoughtful using words like those of someone well read. At other times still you show a…"

Her tongue seemed to be tripping over itself.

"A gentleness. A kindness I wouldn't expect from someone with your history…"

Shepard flinched. Not even in death could she escape her past. Her mind began to race with awful memories and she sincerely hoped all that had happened to her, the full story, would never be known by anyone again. Anyone but the criminal justice system on Earth and Liara.

Liara. She had shared those memories with her during a melding. In time, as they bonded further in their love, what Shepard had been through became part of the asari. All of it.

She didn't want to think about those things. Not right now.

As her mind wandered into shadowy corners, Miranda reached out and grasped her arm gently. It was a surprising gesture.

"I didn't mean to say something like that. I meant to say you are kind. Simply put."

Shepard exhaled slowly, her mind returning to the present.

"You can never really let go of the past, it seems. I take the compliment as it was intended, though. Thank you."

A pained expression, one of guilt, now spread over Miranda's face. She bit her lip as if now sorry she had said anything at all.

"Well, anyway Miranda, I came to talk to you about something personal. I was going to blow up at you, but your radiance has left me without the ability to be angry at you…" Shepard said.

"Angry?" Miranda responded with surprise, "Did I do something wrong, Commander?"

"Why didn't you tell me about how Cerberus recovered my body?"

Miranda's face fell..

"Ah, Liara must have…"

"Yes, she did. I felt like you sandbagged me. I am growing more and more to rely on you Miranda. Your counsel is becoming invaluable to me, but you keeping that fact from me was devastating. It hurt to hear it from Liara, to be unprepared for such a meeting. It was, seeing her like, she is, ah, damnit…"

"I am sorry. I never wanted you to…I never wanted us to go to Illium. If not for the need to…"

"That is not the point, Miranda! I don't need you to protect me from the harshness of truth. I need you to TELL me the truth. At very least so I could partially understand why Liara is so…"

She couldn't finish the sentence. She didn't know how to. The change in Liara, the person she so dearly loved, was so inexplicable, even with the 'reasoning' offered.

"What else did she tell you, Shepard?" Miranda asked gently.

"Just that someone who helped her may be in danger. That she needed to help him and get back at the Shadow Broker for what 'he' did. She didn't go into great detail, but in essence I felt like I was being told to go away."

"I wish it hadn't of happened like that. I should've been there. Maybe my presence would have made the explanation easier. Did you at least have some personal time with her?"

"No," Shepard said flatly, "but she did ask me to do something for her."

"Did she?"

"Yeah. She asked me to hack terminals for her."

Shepard laughed, a bitter put preferable reaction than to cry at such absurdity.

"Hack terminals for her! I did it. I wanted to help her because of what we had…what we still have…oh I don't know anymore."

Shepard crossed her arms, now brooding.

"Look, Miranda. I am sorry to take the joy out of seeing your sister. It was just hard for me, is all."

"No apologies. You are right. I should've told you. I am honored you see me as someone you can turn to and I will try to not betray that trust. Your faith in me means a lot."

The two women looked at each other, their emotions now laid bare and vulnerabilities exposed. For two strong people to see one another stripped of the public personas they carried on was an unnerving, but also liberating experience. The long silence between then seemed to stretch for ages, both at a loss for what to say.

"Well," Shepard began, "How do you want to do this?"

"Shepard?" Miranda asked.

"This kind of awkward silence can only end one way. So, do you want me to clear off the table or do you prefer to do it right here?" she responded with a wicked look in her eye.

"God!" Miranda said while laughing, "You are scandalous aren't you?"

"I do my very best."

"Well, perhaps there is something we can do to get our mind off of all that has happened."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, "I said that in jest Miranda, but if you really want…"

"As 'intriguing' as that thought of the two of us having a torrid affair may be, particularly to the male members of our crew, I was thinking a less physical activity. A small gathering of your squad is taking place in the Observatory, the one where Kasumi has made herself at home. I think it would bolster their spirits to see their Commander for a few moments."

Shepard grimaced. While interacting with Miranda had calmed her some, the last thing she needed now was more public relations work. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts.

"I don't think so. I would prefer to…"

"Be alone? No, Shepard, I don't think that is a good idea. Come with me, I think you will enjoy yourself. Garrus is there and…" her eyes narrowed, "Kelly and a few others."

The way Miranda had said the name of the young Ms. Chambers had the slightest hints of negativity, the source unclear at this point.

"Well, maybe a few minutes wouldn't hurt. For morale and all that."

She stood, turning her back and making strides towards the door. Stopping suddenly she spoke.

"Oh, we shouldn't go together. Unless, of course, you really do want to start rumors…"

"I don't know about you sometimes, Shepard." Miranda responded.

Smiling, she made her way out of the room. For the time being, her afflictions seemed lifted, the antidote of human niceties having stemmed the tide of surging emotions. It wouldn't last, but she would enjoy it while she could.

Unseen to the Commander, Miranda's eyes followed her exit, watching every confident stride made by her long legs. She shook her head quickly, breaking the mesmerized gaze. "A strange woman," she said under her breath, "but definitely worthy of my attention."

* * *

There had been some disgruntled murmurings when Kasumi had simply taken over one of the Observatory chambers on the crew deck. As if by magic, furniture, paintings, and other items collected during her exotic and dangerous travels had filled the otherwise plain room. She had made it up to the crew by having a bar installed with fine drinks that came at no cost to any who would join her. As such, she had become quite popular for her stories of intrigue and good company. She had also become something of the ships "information broker", knowing the every detail of the social goings on aboard the Normandy.

Shepard entered 'Kasumi's' room to find a warm greeting awaiting her. The couches, chairs, and stools in the room were all filled with familiar faces. Kasumi herself, the "host" of this society event, was sitting in her usual spot near the Observatory window above the rest of the action as if she were watching every movement and listening in on every conversation, which she likely was.

"Shepard!" Kelly cried out with excitement, "We didn't expect you to come!" She waved over the Commander and patted on an open spot on the couch right next to her. "Sit with me!"

As she moved to accept the invitation, her eyes scanned over the room. Garrus raised a glass at her from the bar. Miranda, sitting near the turian nodded in acknowledgement of her presence, a restrained and distant demeanor having returned. Tali and Thane were involved in some sort of game of skill, a bit like chess, and intensely wrapped up in their competition. Many others were wandering about the room, drinks in hand, admiring the art or simply chatting amongst themselves.

As she slid next to Kelly, the smiling woman gave her a firm squeeze on the arm. She leaned in and, while looking as if she were about to deliver a kiss to the cheek, instead whispered in Shepard's ear, "It is very, very good to see you here. I hope you can stay awhile."

"Thank Miranda for my presence. She threatened me with biotic savagery if I failed to make an appearance. Just look at her cold stare towards me!" Shepard whispered in return, her cheek brushing against Kelly's own.

As they both turned towards Miranda, the brunette's own gaze fixed on them, they shared a laugh. The iron-willed servant of Cerberus did not seem amused by their secretive humor and simply shook her head.

Kasumi was also watching the scene before her, her eyes like cameras recording what she saw. Shepard imagined she was processing this interaction for some later intrigue she would weave.

"Shep," Kasumi said, addressing the Commander with a much disliked moniker, "I am disappointed to see you are not wearing the black dress I got for you."

"Ah, Kasumi, I am far too modest for a thing of such beauty. I will wear it again, one day, I promise."

"It looks good on you. As for your supposed modesty, I think reality shows that to be far from the case."

A few nervous laughs could be heard. Shepard didn't mind being the object of humor in this case, though she was concerned by what Kasumi was implying.

"Anyway…" Kelly began, drawing them all into conversation.

From a distance, Miranda watched Shepard like an eagle.

"Do you get paid to stare at the Commander or is this some steamy attraction I am watching blossom?" Garrus said to her.

"Don't let your perverse imagination run wild. It is my job to watch over Shepard's well being, among other things. I just want to be sure she is adjusting."

"Hard to adjust after all that has happened to her."

Miranda turned to the turian.

"Her death?"

"That…and other things."

"Oh? I have read of her history."

Garrus suddenly regretted saying anything at all.

"Eh, it's not my place to talk for her." He said flatly.

"If I am to look out for her, then I need to know if there is anything else I should be aware of."

"I don't really feel comfortable talking her private life."

"You care about, Shepard, I get it. You are close friends, but I would like to think that I too care about her in the same way."

"You care about an investment." Garrus shot back at her.

Miranda's face hardened in anger.

"How dare you. I see her as much more than credits spent, turian. It is not for YOU to judge the depths of my feelings for her."

Garrus' eyes scanned Miranda's face, looking for some reason to distrust her. He was good at reading people, part of his jobs both past and present, and he detected no reason to think the woman was lying. He may not have liked her, but she did have concern for Shepard. He swiveled his stool to face away from the crowds and towards the row of drinks along the wall. Miranda did the same, an attempt at hiding what she imagined would be a very private talk.

"Look, I will be brief," Garrus began, "You probably already know Shepard was born on Earth, poor, in a rough place. That much is in her file. A lot of terrible stuff happened beyond that. She lost a sister to a gang that was prominent in the area. I guess they had a vendetta against Shepard herself. They followed her throughout her life, stalking her like monsters would a small child in a horror movie. Eventually she escaped them, even killed a few of them, but not without suffering. She found safety in the military life."

"I had heard hints about such things. A sister who went missing…"

"There was a lot more to it than that, more than I will tell even you. I don't even know the full story, only Liara T'Soni does. They fell in love in front of my eyes, and with the help of Ashley Williams we pushed along their relationship. Actually, Ashley basically forced me to go along with it, but that is not the point. We ran into some old enemies of Shepard's on the Citadel and they tried to kill Liara. Bottom line, Shepard took them out with our help. Bad people, from what I could guess."

Miranda stared into her glass, watching the settled, amber liquid.

"I can only imagine what she has seen…"

"No, you couldn't. Not with the charmed life you have had. Neither could I. That's why it made me feel terrible to see how Liara is now. She was the best thing to happen to Shepard. Someone caring, understanding, and protective. She needs that, but now it looks like she lost Liara to time."

Miranda turned her barstool again, looking back at Shepard. She was smiling and laughing, Kelly close at her side sharing in the moment.

"I think I understand." She said.

"Understand?" Garrus asked.

"Kelly dotes on her. It's obvious."

Garrus turned and looked at Shepard.

"She is, uh, sweet I guess. I think it helps Shepard to have someone like that in her life. Nothing can probably really help the grief she feels over Liara, though."

Miranda swallowed deeply.

"Do you think they are…?"

"Kelly and Shepard?" Garrus responded, taken aback by the suggestion.

"Yeah." Miranda replied wistfully.

"Is this a personal or professional interest?"

Miranda shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Raising her glass to her mouth, she took a long drink, the alcohol burning like fire as it made its way down her throat. She wasn't sure herself why she was so eager to hear an answer to that question.

"By the fact you had to take a drink…"

"Both. What if I told you it was maybe both?" Miranda said suddenly, surprising herself at the admission.

Garrus swirled the glass in his own hand, a strange look coming over him.

"I'd say in your capacity as her second-in-command, her relationship with Chambers is a positive thing. Personally…"

"Ah, I don't know why I asked, it isn't important."

"Personally," Garrus continued, "You're the right gender, as she doesn't go for my team. You get what I am saying. As for you, well, I don't know if you're her type."

"Her type?" Miranda said, her tone snappy.

"I'm surprised you are asking this. I never got the sense you, uh, swung that way."

"I haven't, I don't. Ah, I don't know what you are talking about. Forget it." Miranda swiveled back around and began fixing herself another drink, now seeming perturbed by their discussion.

"Whatever you say, Ms. Lawson. I don't think you would be able to handle her anyway."

Miranda pretended she didn't hear Garrus' remark. Her hands were her sole focus as she poured another stiff drink in the hopes her already confused state would become hazier.

Garrus watched as the now rattled human drew into herself. Miranda was strong, a bit arrogant, but loyal and determined. She could be dismissive, even intolerant of people and their ideas. Yet, she would be an equal to Shepard, in personality if not in gravitas and talent.

"She must feel alone, you know," he said, trying to draw in the woman, "A lot of hurt she is hiding."

Miranda stopped her activity, his words striking something inside her.

"She isn't alone. She has us. People like you and I."

"Yeah, that she does. We will take care of her, then."

"Yes. Yes, I think we will."

While Garrus and Miranda reflected on their talk, Shepard had managed to find a welcome distraction in her time at the gathering so far.

"Kasumi…" Shepard began, "I have to say I admire your book collection. Do you think I could ever borrow from it?"

The hooded woman smiled.

"I had thought you would appreciate it. You strike me as the bookish sort, really."

"What gave that away?"

"The way you speak, Shep. You jump back and forth between the vernacular and something resembling the speech patterns of humans before the electric age."

Kelly chuckled. "She is right you know. I've noticed that sometimes."

Shepard's face became red with embarrassment.

"I didn't go to school, not for long. I only could learn from books."

"It's not an insult, Shep. It's endearing really. I feel when I speak to you sometimes I should be wearing a bonnet instead of this hood and be in some green, pastoral landscape." Kasumi said.

"She's saying it's cute." Kelly said while gently grabbing Shepard's hand.

"No, now that is cute." Kasumi responded, while looking at the two in front of her. "Anyway, to your question, you can feel free to borrow my books at any time. I am glad to see someone else admires such an old medium as I do. As a matter of fact, I expanded my collection slightly with a few choice acquisitions from Illium when we were there."

Illium. The very mention of the planet caused Miranda and Garrus to perk up and focus on Kasumi, both concerned by touching upon anything related to that place. Kelly winced ever so slightly, feeling the same apprehension.

"Oh, really. Yes, I am sure you could find anything you want on Illium." Shepard responded distantly.

"I've been there plenty of times. Done a lot of good business there, myself."

Miranda shot a telling look towards Kelly who picked up the unsaid signal.

"Well, speaking of books…" she said, trying to divert the conversation.

"Business?" Shepard interjected.

"Well, you know, you do a lot of interesting things in my line of work. Meet a lot of interesting people." Kasumi continued.

"People, huh? Like who?"

With her eyes hidden, it was hard to read if Kasumi had any reaction to being probed in this manner.

"Powerful people. Weapons dealers, tech experts…"

"Information Brokers?"

Miranda rose, moving close to the area where the ever spiraling conversation was taking place. Garrus watched with worry etched on his face.

"Well, of course. I actually ran into Liara T'Soni, an old companion of yours I believe…"

Miranda froze in her tracks, cursing under her breath. Garrus looked like the wind had been punched out of him. Kelly's face was distraught.

"Oh?" Shepard said.

"Why, yes. She is very powerful and her people very efficient at what they do. She runs a tight ship. I think I had heard you two were an item. I understand it must not have been easy seeing her again."

"God damnit…" Miranda whispered to herself.

"What do you mean by 'were' an item?" Shepard said, her lower lip trembling.

"I, uh, I, well, what happened and all…" Kasumi began to stutter.

"What kind of business does she do, Kasumi?"

Kelly scooted close to Shepard, placing an arm over her shoulders. "Shepard…" she began pleadingly.

"I want to know, what kind of business?"

A cloud of tension had descended upon the room, but only those who were tuned into the Commander's history would feel it.

"Well, information…" Kasumi began.

"No, REALLY." Shepard demanded.

"Typical stuff, Shepard. You know. Buying and selling important data. Ensuring the transfer of various goods. Enforcing contracts…"

"Murder?"

"Ah, maybe we should change the subject…" Miranda said.

Shepard glared at Kasumi, her eyes piercing the veiled woman.

"I didn't mean anything Shepard, seriously. It was stupid to bring this up…"

"Tell me, Kasumi."

"She's not Eclipse. She's not haphazard, but sometimes bad things have to happen in the course of business. Sometimes deals aren't as noble as one might like to think."

Shepard stood quickly, her scars flared red.

"She should know BETTER…" she said as her voice quivered.

"Shepard, wait, I am sure Liara doesn't mean to…" Kelly tried to say.

"She should KNOW better. After everything I showed her. Did the whole Galaxy go to shit when I died?" she yelled. Now everyone's attention fixed on the dramatic scene unfolding and the room fell silent.

"C'mon Shepard, let's just calm down and…" Garrus said, moving forward to make his own attempt to prevent another eruption.

"No. I failed. I failed Liara. I failed Elnora. Even the Council turns their back to me." she said in a low voice, almost as if she were speaking to herself. "I am sorry, Kasumi. I should not have yelled at you. I had better just go. I have a lot on my mind."

Shepard stormed out of the room, the door flying open before her.

Kelly and Miranda both moved to follow her, then stopping and looking at one another. For a moment it seemed as if they were conflicted, undecided about who should pursue.

"Go to her," Miranda said finally, such words having more weight than it seemed, "I will check on her later."

Kelly nodded and sprinted to catch up with Shepard.

Everyone was in shock. The crowd began to mutter amongst themselves, doing their best to figure out what had just happened.

Miranda turned slowly to Kasumi as her entire form radiating a terribly fury in movement and expression.

"Badly done, Kasumi. Very badly done."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Tuchanka, the shattered world of the Krogan. As Shepard's feet first touched down on its radioactive soil, her initial reaction to its natural wonder was to cough heavily. The air was toxic and oppressive, bearing the taint of bitter wars borne aloft by choking winds. Its people, the thickly armored and humpbacked krogan, were no more accommodating than the atmosphere. Towering and muscular they met her and the squad with steely eyes and low growls, their aggression and distrust palpable and their trigger fingers itchy, ready within a moment's notice to put down any visitor foolish enough to respond to their bating.

What was supposedly the camp of Clan Urdnot was little more than semi-organized wreckage. Rubble formed roads while the harsh sun cast its rays through holes blasted in the ceiling above them. The sound of metal and muscle smashing into each other as krogan worked and fought filled the air with a dissonant chorus of screeching and scratching. Nary could a friendly face be seen among the crowds of the proudly scarred and battered while even the varren snarled and spit as Shepard walked past, only thin chain leashes preventing them from satiating their appetites with soft, human flesh.

"The Reapers will find their work nearly done should they come to this place." Shepard muttered to herself as she looked upon the world, a broken but jealously guarded pride of a warrior species.

"Let us find Wrex quickly and do what needs to be done. I want to spend as little time as possible here." Miranda said as she took strained breaths. Sweat matted her forehead and her usually well-kept hair was tussled now, a fact she brought attention to by constantly running her fingers through her long, dark locks self-consciously. The white suit she wore had smudges and stains, not from battle but from simply walking at a normal pace. She certainly had not dressed well for the occasion. The black number she had would've been more suitable.

"I see your eyes, Shepard," she said in protest, "and I would say you aren't looking much better."

Shepard laughed, a mistake she regretted quickly as she soon swallowed a large helping of dust that gusted by her.

"Maybe I know of a few people who might like what they see in this new 'rugged' look of yours."

"You know some eligible bachelors?" Miranda asked with a hint of skepticism.

Shepard felt a wicked impulse to shock her second-in-command. Taking a cue from the foul-mouthed Jack, the constant antagonist of the well-heeled woman, she figured a way to send just the right amount of voltage through her serious demeanor.

"Men? Oh, no. Not with your pussy would I fuck any of the guys I know."

Miranda froze in her tracks, her eyes widened as her ears heard such vulgarity from such an unlikely source.

"What-what did you say?!"

Shepard laughed aloud at her great success. Immature as it was, she derived an odd enjoyment from being so careless with her words.

"What did you SAY?" Miranda repeated. With a great burst of energy, she charged at Shepard, giving chase as if to extract retribution. Bits of stone and clouds of dust were unsettled as she cut a path to her target. As she finally came upon her, she reached out as if to seeking to make a capture. Unfortunately, her foot seemed to overreach and she looked as if she were about to tumble.

With two hands Shepard swung around and grabbed the woman, holding on to her before a tragic misstep caused her to fall. As Miranda steadied herself in her arms, dust rising around them, they both took stock of the closeness they had been forced into.

It took a few moments for the now shaken Ms. Lawson to recover her thoughts. Her face was just inches from Shepard's own and their eyes had now met.

"Very unbecoming language," Miranda said, her voice low, "I expect better from you."

Shepard sighed. "I know. A bit of the sailor talk that you pick up aboard ship. I don't mean to disappoint you." With her hand she gently pushed away hairs that blocked Miranda's eyes. The touch of her fingers seemed to unsettle the already frayed nerves of the woman before her. "You know I rib you out of affection, right?"

"You ass." Miranda said with a look of hurt on her face, "I am glad you are in a better mood though. After, well, what happened with Kasumi."

"I really did make a spectacle of myself at the party didn't I?" A look of regret passed over Shepard's features.

"Your feelings were understandable. That thief-woman is very forward, very abrupt sometimes. She keeps prodding me about Jacob. I sometimes have the urge to slap the hood right off her head."

"Kasumi is alright. I think death has not only made my humor more twisted, but the inconvenience of the experience has made me a bit sensitive."

Shepard had said the statement in a joking way, but it seemed Miranda did not pick up on that as the sternness in her face dropped away into a look of concern.

"We have moved fast, haven't we? I had always wanted your adjustment period to be more relaxed. I am sorry events have made that impossible."

"I am fine, my friend. Well, fine enough to fight at least. Which is what matters, I would think. Anyway, if we want to get off this planet we had better get down to business." Shepard turned as if to continue on her way on the rough trail ahead of them.

"I worry about you." Miranda said suddenly. The look that crept over her face betrayed how taken aback she was at her own outburst.

"Ms. Lawson, I have to admit to being flattered by your attention to my wellbeing." Shepard responded as she looked back at, a smirk on her face.

"Don't patronize me," Miranda insisted, "I meant what I said."

Making her way back to her now cross armed companion, Shepard placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I know you care. It's because of people like you that I can bear all of this madness."

Miranda placed her own hand on Shepard's opposing shoulder. She made a slow trail down her arm, her eyes following the gentle movement. Then, she reversed course, her fingers now sliding upwards towards what little was revealed of the Commander's armored neck.

The intimacy of the moment took Shepard by surprise. This was entirely unexpected but not something that was unpleasant. It had been a long while since someone had touched her like this and she found herself actually savoring the moment. The passing of such a loving touch pierced through her armor, warming the flesh beneath with its intent. Her breathing began to quicken a bit and time seemed to slow down as she let her senses wander in Miranda's caress. While the dank, cavern like camp of the Urdnot was an odd location, the many points of light from above laid a mystical scene. If imagination could take the two from a place of stone and metal and into a thick and ancient forest, the leafy canopy above penetrated by a more gentle star, it would have made the whole vision more picturesque and fitting.

"Admiring your work?" Shepard said slowly, as if mesmerized.

"Just making sure you are taking care of my greatest achievement." Miranda responded.

The seconds would have extended into a blessed eternity if not for the sound of someone clearing their throat, breaking the dreamy mists around the two women.

"As much as myself and the male krogan here might like to see the kinetic barriers between you two drop and this tension relieved, I remember a set of missions we have here," Garrus said, his probable sarcastic smile hidden by his helmet, "something to with Grunt, Mordin's friend, and a few other odds and ends?"

"I was just reinforcing the importance of being a good example to the crew." Miranda said, quickly stepping away from Shepard. "Just watch the language, Commander."

"Yes, very good Miranda. Thank you." Shepard said.

For the most part their trip was to be a familiar affair. Another set of missions to be done, all top-priority stuff meriting Shepard's personal presence. The high point was seeing Wrex again; his warm and enthusiastic greeting was a rare treat. So far, reunions with old 'friends' had been rather melancholy affairs. They had spoken, even had a few moments of reflecting on what had been. It had been good to see him and his accomplishments. Yet, they could not linger, especially with Miranda's impatient gaze burning at her back.

It was not until they had to attend to Mordin's business that the entire venture took a turn for the worst. Shepard had heard of the Genophage before, but now in front of her very eyes she saw its horrific effects laid bare.

Warped and broken krogan, many of them females, rotted on flimsy and dirty slabs. Still-born fetuses and other grisly remains of what had been attempts at reproduction were piled into filthy corners; the smell coming from them was noxious.

The work to combat this "gentle genocide" was little better. The remains of test subjects, some of them human, filled small, tightly packed chambers. Rejected or their purpose complete, they were discarded. Other signs of terrible experimentation, including living krogan pumped full of drugs and suffering in either madness or a deep depression were found. Many resigned themselves to death, believing what they had been subject to was necessary, even righteous.

"Go now. Rest. Find peace." Mordin had said as he passed his hand over the twisted form what was a krogan female.

Shepard stood not far from the spiritual musings of the salarian doctor.

"Remind me that sentient life is supposed to be the force for good here…" Shepard said wistfully. The supposed war against the Reapers was to sweep away their darkness, but she was finding the Galaxy black enough without the presence of machine-gods.

"Free will is a gift and curse. How awful are the examples of it misused." Miranda said.

After they beat a path back to the Normandy, Shepard retired to her quarters as quickly as she could. Her earlier explosion during Kasumi's get together was still fresh in peoples' minds and her embarrassment over it had been coped with by simply shutting out social interaction aboard ship. She spent a lot of time alone now, hoping to recreate a detached and feared image rather than the emotional wreck she must have seemed before.

After a long shower where she had imagined the water washing away ugliness both inside and out, she jumped into casual clothes and was now sitting alone on her couch. If few other luxuries could be relied upon, the burden of command granted her at least the benefit of spacious and well equipped quarters on the Normandy.

Her arms were bare in her thin, white undershirt. Plain, gray shorts were the only other covering she had on and her long legs stretched themselves out over the floor and rested upon a nearby table. For a moment she marveled at her body, not in vanity but out of fascination. From what she had heard, she had been little more than "meat and tubes", and now here she was, her form as it ever had been.

She ran her long and delicate fingers over the smooth, brown skin of her exposed thigh. A flash of memory brought back what she had felt when Miranda had touched her. If she had allowed herself to hold onto such a thought, she worried she would become oddly aroused and quickly shook herself away from her self-absorbed staring. One thing death had not done was to cease her human hunger for sex. In fact, if she were of a less disciplined mind, she would find the aching for that type of contact very distracting.

She pulled out a small, brown piece of paper from a package. A tin next to her lay open and she began to arrange bits of what looked like green plant matter from it very carefully in the center of the paper. With dexterous fingers, she rolled a tight cigarette shape. With a dramatic gesture, she flicked open an old-style lighter and lit the end of her handiwork.

Inhaling deeply, she closed her eyes and let her mind wander. She held her breath, allowing the smoke to waft through her lungs, spreading the medicine, or poison, of choice throughout her body. Exhaling, only the barest wisps of what she had been taken in emerged from her mouth. She knew this was a bad habit, or looked down upon by some, but she didn't care. It was better than sucking down the multitude of pills she might have been given from a psychiatrist.

"Play music. Playlist A." she commanded to the air.

The deep thumping of bass began to fill the room. It was a familiar song. An old song, by Earth standards, but even so she still enjoyed it. This type of music still described much of the reality of where she had grown up. It was pathetic really to realize how little had changed.

_Perhaps I was addicted to the dark side  
Somewhere inside my childhood I missed my heart die  
And even though we both came from the same places  
The money and the fame made us all change places_

Laying into the cushions, she bobbed her head up and down with the music, stopping only occasionally to take another drag on the "medication" between her fingers. She let herself get lost into the song, its lyrics, and its chorus.

_Ain't flashed a smile in a long while  
An unexpected birth worst of the ghetto child  
My attitude got me walking solo  
Ride out alone in my low-low  
Watching the whole world move in slow-mo  
For quiet times disappear listen to the ocean_

_Smoking Ports think my thoughts  
Then it's back to coasting  
Who can I trust in this cold world…_

She struggled with her memories, seeking something that would bring happiness to her in moments like this. Thoughts of Liara filled her head, but even the sweetest of them were painted over with cruel reality, the realization of the person she seemed to be now. What was Liara to her? Was there something to be salvaged? Had she moved on? What if there was someone else now?

Jealousy, confusion, anger, all the wrong things broke into her meditations. Why was there nothing she could recall that was pleasant and uplifting?

It was the chorus now.

_So take, these broken wings  
I need your hands to come and heal me once again  
(Until the end of time)  
So I can fly away, until the end of time…_

Suddenly, a noise broke her introspection and she realized someone was outside her door, pressing a button to request entry.

"Damn it! Who the hell-" she spat.

Moving quickly she put out the joint in her fingers, smashing it into a small ashtray, and then tucked away all evidence of what she had been doing. Waving her hands frantically, she tried to get rid of the telling smell of her activity while speaking for the music to cease.

"Enter!" she finally said. She was hardly dressed for visitors, but anyone who had the audacity to visit her deserved no-

"Shepard!"

It was Kelly Chambers. She now felt rather ashamed of her appearance. Her hair was a mess and her clothes were hardly appropriate. She was trapped. Crossing her arms defensively, realizing she had not even bothered to put on a bra, she stood to greet the visitor.

Kelly, on the other hand, was quite striking. Her short, red hair was perfectly done, not even a single strand out of place. Her face looked fresh and rested, her skin smooth and without even the hint of a flaw. She was wearing a short-sleeved shirt with interesting patterns cut around its neck. Long pants, sticking to her slender legs, were neat and pressed. Somehow she always looked put-together, as if blissfully unaware that she was operating aboard a warship. In both hands she held bags, their contents a mystery.

"Kelly, I, uh, didn't expect you." Shepard responded with her best attempt at appearing relaxed and confident. The words came out clumsily, but she had given it a shot.

"You haven't been up to see me in awhile. You've been taking all your messages here. I thought you might be hungry after your mission, so I brought dinner." She held up her arms, slightly shaking the bags she was gripping to indicate what they contained.

"Ah, you didn't have too-"

"Of course I didn't. I wanted to." Kelly said with a cheery smile.

Standing up, Shepard awkwardly motioned for the woman to lay everything out on the table in front of the couch.

"How rude I must seem not to come over to greet you. Sit over here."

Kelly seemed to hop and skip over to her. As she placed the bags on the table, she stepped forward and came in close for a hug. The ebullient redhead must have changed her perfume, as she now smelled of lilacs. The scent was subtle, but it made one, as if by instinct, breathe in deeply to take it all in.

"It has been too long. You should come out more often." Kelly said. Before she released her embrace, she planted a kiss right on Shepard's cheek. She must have been in a very good mood.

Kelly suddenly sniffed the air, her nose raised high and a look of recognition soon breaking over her face.

"Well, now, Commander. I didn't know you were someone who enjoyed the herb now and then." Kelly said with a grin.

Flustered, Shepard covered her face.

"You caught me with one of my many vices, I am afraid. It is curious how quickly you recognized the smell."

As Kelly sat, now carefully removing containers full of food, she smirked and began to speak.

"Well, we all have to find a way to take the edge off don't we? Maybe we can share your vice after dinner, for research purposes of course."

Shepard chuckled and sat down next to the newly revealed worldly woman.

"Well, whatever you brought smells good. I am glad you are here as well."

"It's Mexican food. I thought you might like it. A taste of home?" Kelly said, turning her face towards Shepard.

She had certainly done her research. Despite appearing asian, the ethnic salad bowl where Shepard had been raised was far more Latin in its culture than anything else.

"You impress me again, Ms. Chambers. I have not had food like this for some time."

Kelly barely contained a self-assured smile, obviously pleased at having done well.

"Well, let us eat. We have a lot to catch up on. I am especially interested in learning more about your musical taste. You are a surprising woman."

She did her research AND paid attention. This Kelly Chambers could be a dangerous one.

Dinner turned out to be chicken mole, a favorite dish of Shepard's. The brown, chocolate-based sauce slathered over meat that fell apart at the touch was a more that welcome change from the freeze-dried or, worse, squeeze tube substances that counted as "food" in space. Their talk meandered from subject to subject. It was nice to be able to discuss anything other than the missions and the Collectors for once. Instead, they conversed about music, art, and even clothing, all very "normal" things but the type of interaction Shepard had been lacking for so long.

Kelly seemed to light up during their time together and her energy, her zest for life was contagious. Shepard found herself eagerly interjecting her own thoughts, rolling with laughter, and being able to show something of her feminine side without reproach. Not unexpectedly, the conversation eventually turned to subjects of the heart and romance.

"I've dated quite a bit in my time," Kelly said after taking a large gulp of wine, "but none of them ever managed to stick, really. Different people for different phases of my life. I think I learned something from each of them and would never have any regrets."

Shepard wished she had something to add, but she had about as much experience with relationships as she did with a quiet life of reflection and tranquility. That is to say, not very much.

"Any of them special to you, or stand out?" she asked.

Kelly put down her glass and crossed her legs. She seemed lost in thought for a moment

"Well, there were a few. There was one guy I really fell hard for. It was during college and he and I studied the same subjects. I was devoted to him, maybe even crazy about him. I helped wash his clothes, organized and cleaned his room, kept him company while he burned the midnight oil in pursuit of his degree. I did it all out of love. I never complained when he got awards and recognition as I felt that it was our success, not just an individual effort. I was proud of him and didn't mind making the sacrifices."

Kelly's pursed her lips, a brief cloud passed over her face.

"He had different ideas after graduation. I pleaded to go with him, but he wanted his own way. I ate a lot of ice cream and watched sappy videos after that." She said with a laugh.

Shepard had been doing far different things during what should've been her college years. Even so, she felt sympathy for Kelly.

"Sounds like he was a jerk. He missed out on someone very special, I think."

Kelly blushed and smiled warmly at her.

"I think, in the end, I have learned to surround myself with better people." Her eyes lingered for a bit on Shepard's face. She broke her stare quickly, now seemingly surging back to life with energy.

"So, tell me about yourself. Such a charming and sexy woman must have left many men's hearts in pieces?" Kelly said with a furtive glance.

Shepard mind raced with a witty reply or sly transition to another line of conversation. Instead, she just appeared bumbling and taken aback.

"Ah, no," she eventually admitted, "I have pathetically limited experience with matters of love and things like that."

"Oh?" Kelly said with a surprised look, "I would've thought, well never mind."

"There was really only Liara. She was my first in a real sense."

A few moments passed in quiet between them. Kelly seemed to be considering her next words carefully.

"She means a lot to you, doesn't she?" she said, her voice low and somber.

She did mean a lot to Shepard. Looking in the distance, towards her terminal, she could see the back of a small picture frame which still flickered with Liara's likeness. It would always be in her line of sight as she typed away, a constant reminder of what she was supposed to be fighting for, or so she thought.

"Liara understood me in a way no one else could. She accepted me for everything I was and was not. She even-" Shepard paused, "she took on parts of my past that she didn't have to. Ugly things that she bore on her back to let me finally breathe after so long."

Kelly shifted herself over and wrapped an arm around her. Her hand gently massaged her shoulder.

"I don't mean to bring up sad memories. We can talk about something else, if you'd like." Kelly said in a soothing voice.

"No!" she said quickly, "I think I want to talk about this with somebody. Somebody I can trust like you."

Kelly nodded understandingly.

"Like I said, she was my first, in many ways. At first, I rebuffed her advances. She was so eager, so inquisitive. I felt like she was studying me, at first, like one of her Prothean artifacts!" she said with a chuckle, "Turns out that was her way of approaching people, the only way she knew how. We became friends and then much more than that. I danced with her one night on the Citadel, the first time we had ever been so close. After that we talked and I finally accepted there was something between us, something worth cherishing. We were inseparable after that."

"So," Kelly said apprehensively, "she was your first…girlfriend?"

Shepard thought back to the first young girl she had kissed, a confident and beautiful blonde. That happy memory was bloodied with the way she had been taken from her.

"There was, well, sort of someone else. I was still a skinny teenager with a school uniform as my only nice pair of clothes. She died though. It never became anything other than a passing fancy."

"I am sorry to hear that. Was she sick?" Kelly asked.

Did she really want to tell her all that had happened? The things that only Liara knew?

"No, but it sure felt like the world was."

Kelly waited patiently, aware that she was struggling with painful remembrance.

"I don't know if I should tell you some of these things Kelly. Maybe I am drunk or too high, but part of me wants to even though I thought I never would say such things to anyone."

Kelly pulled herself even closer, her head now leaning against Shepard's own. Her arms wrapped around her waist, giving comfort and reassurance.

"I will listen if you want to share. If it will help you, I am here." She said.

Shepard swallowed her fear and began to speak.

For the first time she was breathing into life terrible visions that had once haunted her every moment. It was all coming out, in one rushing stream of consciousness.

She told of her sister's murder. She spoke of how she escaped the ghetto, to a new school with new friends and how she shared her first kiss, well, the first several dozen kisses, under the a tree, shaded from the afternoon sun. She spent time talking about the one who had pulled her close that day. How she didn't judge Shepard for her poverty and where she came from. How her hands roamed over her body and triggered the kinds of pleasant sensations she had never known of but in books of romance.

She touched on how her friend's lives were snuffed out to spite her. How she was forced to look upon their corpses, especially of the violated body of her first "love". Her voice deepened in anger as she recalled how she unleashed a terrible vengeance upon those who hurt her.

At the end, she even told what had happened to her at the tender age of fourteen, the singular even that initiated her metamorphosis from a sheltered and wide-eyed girl and into the woman she was today, for better or worse. A simple verb was all that would be necessary to describe the act but Shepard had always hesitated to use the word as part of her felt that by simply saying it, she would be all the weaker and uglier for it. The painful descriptions of what had transpired, the theft of what should have been hers to give in love and no ones to take by violence left Kelly with no doubt as to what had occurred.

As her tale ended, Shepard found she had shed few tears. Maybe the passage of time had healed the wounds, maybe she was just cold to what had happened. She just was tired of crying.

"That is why Liara was so different, so important," she said, "I could never regain what I had lost. With her it didn't matter. She helped me carry my cross and, more than that, her own grace was undiminished by the horror of the world around us. She was the anchor to a place I could never return to but always defend. Her love was unconditional, without blemish or deceit."

Kelly's own eyes were wet as even the retelling of such days brought sorrow to her. She said nothing for a few moments and then, with a forceful determination, pulled Shepard into her arms, holding her head tightly against her chest. She placed a kiss upon her face and rocked slowly as a mother would to a crying child.

"I am sorry. I never should have told you all that. It was very weak of me." Shepard said.

Kelly pulled back slightly and with a gentle hand, raised Shepard's face so that their eyes would meet.

"Shepard," she began, her voice quivering with severity, "there is no weakness in what you have done. I would say you are stronger than anyone I have ever met. Anybody else would have broken under the strain. To shed a few tears, to share with friends is not weakness, but a necessity. I am only upset with myself. I should have reached out to you sooner. No one considered the strain death and rebirth would have on someone who has already faced so much."

Shepard could not see it, but the red lines that spread across her face had slightly dimmed, their fury lessened with the cooling breeze of another's kindness. She had needed this release and of all those she had met, only Kelly, flirtatious and as sometimes ditzy as she might seem to some, would be the one to open her ears to hear.

"You deserve someone to love you," Kelly began again, her voice now a low whisper, "you owe it to yourself to go to Liara, you owe it to her to let your feelings be plain."

"How? She shuts down my every pathway into asking about her. It was even as if holding me in her arms was too much. No messages from her either. Nothing."

"She is scared, Shepard. Probably of many of the same things you are. What if she wonders if you have changed? What if her heart stings with jealousy as she imagines you moving on? You will never know the answers to questions you never ask. With a war like this, there is no room for leaving things to interpretation."

"And what if she turns me away? What if she no longer feels the way the way I do? My love for her is a fresh as it ever was. It feels like I held her in my arms only but a few months ago."

Kelly let the words sink into her head. It was almost as if the very idea of Shepard being rejected was incomprehensible.

"If she turns you away?" Kelly began, "Then that is her loss. A woman like you wouldn't stay on the market for long."

Shepard managed a laugh.

"Maybe I'd throw up an ad on the extranet. Single asian female looking for love. Likes assault rifles, biotic warps, and walks on the bridge." Shepard said.

"Oh, I don't know if you'd have to go that far." Kelly said with a sly smile.

"Don't tell me, there are secret admirers aboard ship?"

Kelly looked coy now, her head swaying as if secrets were swirling about in her head.

"Maybe a few. Some wouldn't be to your taste."

"That depends on what they taste like, I guess."

"Now there's a thought. A very naughty one." Kelly took her hand and ran it through Shepard's hair, her fingers gliding through its tangles.

"The end has almost come hasn't it?" Shepard said, "Only a dead Reaper and its IFF stands between us and the Collectors."

"All the more reason to act soon. The Reaper is not going anywhere, but you need your heart and mind to be focused when the time comes. Wondering about what could have been will only make what is ahead of us that much harder."

"I will see Liara then. We will go to Illium one last time."

Minutes passed as the two women remained wrapped in one another's arms. Kelly was still gently massaging Shepard's head; her own eyes closed now and sleep slowly coming over her.

"It's late." Shepard said.

"I haven't been up this many hours for a long time." Kelly responded through a yawn.

"Kelly?"

"Yes, Shepard."

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Of course. Of course I will."

Unwrapping herself from Kelly, Shepard shambled towards her bed and then promptly fell onto the covers, a slight rebound felt at her impact. Closing her eyes, she found her mind almost immediately being drawn into the embrace of sleep. The sensation of another's body curling against her own only sped her transition into the theater of dreams. With the last of her strength, she turned and buried her head in the chest of the sweet smelling person near her. Kelly pulled her close, planting a single, lingering kiss on her forehead. They spoke no words, only soft breathing could be heard now, a soothing wind between them. The two women, their labors completed, bodies worn and minds weary, now let another day die, its trials and tribulations passing now into the realm of memory.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note: Cutting down on the length of chapters a bit. Reunions come soon as do revelations. Review and let me know what you think.**

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**Chapter 5**

Liara had been waiting in the darkened room for some time, her patience a virtue learned from long stretches alone picking for relics at dig sites. Like a spider burrowed into the earth, she waited for her prey to walk into her grasp. Her clothes stuck to her skin, perspiration rolled down her face and into her eyes, forcing her to blink constantly. Only a few points of light, flickering electronic displays or the green glow of the door lock could be seen.

White light outlined the shape of the door before her, rays shooting out from small crevices. She knew who was coming. With a great rushing sound, the way was open and her eyes narrowed and focused in on the women before her.

"You are usually so timely. It's ironic you'd be late to your own funeral."

Nyxeris froze, her features twisting in the realization of what she had walked into.

"Shit." That was all the purple-hued asari could muster.

"Do you know why I've called you here today, Observer?" Liara said.

"You're the information broker. You tell me." Nyxeris said with venom dripping off of each word.

"I am here to terminate your employment. You can't serve two masters, both me and the Shadow Broker, at once." Liara stood now, seemingly rising from an ocean of nothingness as she reached her full height.

"You figured it out all yourself, did you?" Nyxeris said with her gaze straight ahead and unmoving.

"No. I had some help from a friend."

Liara purposefully circled around the woman with slow strides. She surveyed Nyxeris in detail as an admirer might do when someone pretty caught their eye. She was not sexually attracted to this woman though, whatever her inclinations might be in her personal life. Instead, this was the last chance she'd have to take in the person who betrayed her, imprinting her image in her mind.

With a firm hand, she pressed a panel on the wall, slamming the door shut. The room was suddenly bathed in light, causing her to squint slightly as her eyes now struggled to adjust once again.

"It was Shepard, wasn't it? That data she gave you from the terminals?" Nyxeris asked.

"Like I said, help from a friend. I can still rely on some people in this Galaxy."

Nyxeris snickered, an ugly expression. It was clear that she was unfazed by her current predicament, her body still erect, proud, and even accepting of what was to come.

"A friend? Shepard is more foolish than I would've thought. Your friendship is a one-way street, but maybe being dead has made her blind. Humans are too naïve and Shepard too taken in by our peoples 'natural abilities'. Tell me, did you always plan to use her when you slid your flesh against hers or did it just become clear what you could gain after she was spaced?"

Liara was now facing Nyxeris again. Her cold and detached expression flared in anger. "Do not speak about our relationship like that! You would know nothing of love or loyalty."

"And you would? Last time I checked your bondmate was flying around without you at her side. Is this the 'love' and 'loyalty' that you speak of?"

"Shepard understands," Liara began with her voice almost a growl, "that my mission is important, just as hers is. My actions showed how much I care for her. How much I lo-"

"Love? " Nyxeris said with a sardonic smile, "Love! Yes, I saw how 'loved' she felt as she fled your chambers nearly in tears. I saw how your hollow reasoning about your lust for vengeance comforted her. What a sweet, sweet girl yo-"

Liara roared and crackling, blue energy surged from her hand. Nyxeris was thrown like a ragdoll against a far wall, impacting with an awful thud. Her body was suspended above the floor, swirling with the projected force of her attacker.

"Your master brought all of this on us! That's why he has to pay! For everything he did to Shepard, and myself and Feron!"

Through her pain and gritted teeth, Nyxeris laughed. Her usual monotonous tone and reserved demeanor was gone, the façade shattered. "Really? Is that your justification for your pointless war? You could've walked away, Liara! You expect anyone to believe it was an idiotic drell and the deep feelings you have for a human bitch that drove you to all this?"

Liara pulled her hand back slightly then with a mighty swing of her fist released another wave of energy that slammed into Nyxeris. The woman screamed as again she was thrown, this time across the room into another wall. As her body flew helplessly in the air, anything in her path was thrown aside. Lamps shattered on the floor and furniture shifted as if aware to make way. Her pained and toothy smile was covered in her own blood from a trickle running down her nose.

"Don't talk about SHEPARD like that!" Liara yelled out, "The Shadow Broker tried to sell her to the Collectors! Feron sacrificed himself to save me!"

"Business, Liara! Just business! You'd know about all that, wouldn't you? How many credits in your bank account are clean? How many beatings and bodies in your name?"

Liara trembled with rage. Her face showed her anguish; lips quivered, eyes flooded with tears. "It's all for her! It's all for us! She knows I love her! I would, I have, killed for her! I have no regrets! I won't apologize!"

"For her! For her is it?" Nyxeris said as her voice shook in agony, "You know, the only difference between you and I, you and the Shadow Broker is that WE know what why we got into this line of work! You've deluded yourself into thinking what you do is for anything other than your own gain!

Liara sent out bolts of biotic power from her fingers, lashing at Nyxeris like whips against her body. The woman would not stay silent though, spitting her words through the torment.

"Maybe, just maybe Liara you are bad at this thing of ours and, worse, bad at prioritizing what you say matters?"

"I don't CARE about being an information broker! My only concern is-"

"Yourself! You couldn't get recognition wasting time as some scientist! You turned your back on your mother's dreams for you and had NOTHING to show for it! So you latched on to a human, who in her short life did more than what a century has earned you! Without SHEPARD your name would be SHIT!"

Liara had enough. She allowed Nyxeris to drop to the floor. The purple skin of her treacherous assistant was now singed and blackened. Blood streaked across her face, covering her natural markings.

"I am through talking," Liara began, "I don't have to justify myself to you!" A blue aura blanketed her with a gentle light. It began to grow in intensity, becoming no longer angelic but ominous and frightening. With her hands pointed towards the smoldering woman before her, she released all her power. Great sheets of energy cascaded down upon Nyxeris. The sound of her howling in suffering was drowned out by the rushing of waves of biotic force crashing into her like an angry tide.

"You pureblood BITCH! Fuck you!" Nyxeris rose slowly, struggling against the assault, and surrounded herself with a shimmering barrier. Rising to her feet, she charged at Liara, biotics giving her terrible power and speed. As she impacted, Liara groaned and fell, her body sliding across the floor. Nyxeris threw herself upon the stunned woman and began to pummel her mercilessly.

Liara tried to defend herself against the blows. As she would be hit in the face she could hear the smacking noise of bone impacting against flesh, feel the warmth of her own blood and even taste it in her mouth. At this proximity, Nyxeris' barrier would be of little use. Realizing this, she reached out her hand blindly and grasped for her attackers neck. She found it and began to squeeze tightly while her other arm swung forward with a right hook. A cry indicated that her strike had found its target. Rolling her body, she ended up on top of Nyxeris and choked her, pulling up and down to slam the woman's head against the floor.

Nyxeris fought bravely as her life slipped away from her. Her arms thrashed around, helplessly slapping against Liara. Eventually her color began to change as air failed to reach her lungs. Her resistance became weaker and slower. Her eyes stayed open, staring into Liara's own. Finally, she stopped moving, her face frozen and twisted in pain as she died.

For a few moments Liara did not let up her iron grip on the now dead woman's neck. With heaving breaths and muttered curses she held on and her fingers dug deeper into the flesh of the corpse beneath her. As her anger began to fade, she loosened her grasp. Her senses returned to her and she cried out in horror. Scrambling backwards on the floor, she looked at her handiwork, the lifeless and bloodied body before her. Her heart was beating, her chest rising and falling and her body began to feel the pain it had been numb to in its frenzied state.

She managed to get to her feet. The room looked as if a natural disaster had struck. Everything was a total mess and fragments of broken objects littered the floor. Blood was splattered against walls and the stench of burned flesh hung in the air.

Liara looked down on her hands. They were covered in blood. She gasped and ran quickly to another door in the corner of the room. It slid open as she came near and a small washroom was revealed. She thrust forward her hands under the faucet and water began to pour out. As the rushing liquid swirled down the drain, it began to carry away the color of the murder she had committed. Yet, not all of the blood would come off. Rubbing her hands together in desperation, she grew more distraught as her efforts failed to clean herself completely of the stains.

"Come off! Come off!" she said, nearly in tears "Damn it! Come off!"

Frustrated, she gripped the sides of the sink, the water still running pointlessly but providing enough noise to hopefully drown out her racing thoughts. Her head rose slightly and she looked into the mirror before her.

Who was this person? Her fingers began to search her own face. Was this her cheek? Were these her freckles? What of the dark rings under those sad and bitter eyes? Whose lips were these? They could not be the very same ones that once trailed kisses up and down her lover's body. This could not be the mouth that pursed in awkward confusion or smiled in greeting at those she cared for.

"Liara." she said. The voice was deep and rough. "How did you come to this?"

A terrifying realization rang out in her thoughts. She didn't want to believe it. Time must have changed her. The environment had made her this way. She was simply reacting to bad circumstances. It was the Shadow Broker's fault. Or the Collectors. Or the Reapers. This was for Shepard. This was for Feron.

The words swirling in her head were hollow, the same awful thought piercing through her excuses. The memory of the cold and arrogant gaze of her mother before her own fall came to the forefront of her mind. The vision of the face in the mirror was too frighteningly similar.

The Galaxy hadn't changed. Neither had she, not really.

"This is Liara T'Soni," she whispered to herself, "this has always been Liara T'Soni."

She wasn't different a different person. Just older and fiercer, is all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Note: I read and reread and rewrote this chapter, scrapping the beginning several times. I tried not to be too wordy, too overwrought and I hope I managed to cut a lot of the excess out and focus on "what matters". As much as I hoped to shorten this further, I couldn't kill any more of it without taking away from the story, at least in my opinion.**

**I feel satisfied with this chapter. I hope you feel the same way. Let me know what you think. More than anything else, I pray you enjoy it.**

**~KL**

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**Chapter 6**

Shepard was running with all of her strength, legs jumping over twigs and roots. The forest was suffocating, so tightly packed that she could barely make out the path ahead.

This was a dream. She knew that much. All she could do was go along with the show her mind was putting on. Should she be afraid? It certainly was a dark vision so far. That, and the fact she didn't know if she was giving chase or running away.

Her legs continued their frantic pace, the sight of the world around her blurred with the incredible speed of her advance. Suddenly, just ahead, she saw someone else. They were running fast too, faster than any person should be able to move.

"Wait!" she cried out of instinct. She didn't really know if she wanted them to wait, but it just felt like the thing to say.

The person didn't respond, maneuvering swiftly through twisted and gnarled branches and the shadows they cast.

"Can't you stop for just a second!" she yelled again.

"I can't!" a voice responded.

This 'chase' continued for some time, Shepard never seeming to run out of stamina but the person in front of her growing no closer.

Finally, the darkness of the trees broke and a clearing could be seen in the distance. The fleeing person before her stumbled and fell right into the rays of light that shined as the road seemed to end.

Coming upon her, Shepard stopped and tried to help the person. It was a beautiful woman with skin that was light-blue and soft. She cut a tall and elegant figure, her bearing like that of someone very noble, very refined. Her face was smooth and flawless but for the freckles she had under her eyes. She had thin lips that were, for now, flat and without any revealing expression. Her eyes were narrow with determination and the brows above were dark, almost drawn on.

"Why were you running from me?" Shepard asked.

"I wasn't. I am on my own course. You were chasing ME." She said as she stood, dusting herself off.

"I-I wanted to catch up to you."

"Well, you've caught me."

Shepard felt awkward. She really didn't know what to say.

"I wanted to follow you. I had hoped maybe then I wouldn't be alone."

The hard expression of the woman now changed. Her eyes widened, now full of kindness, and her lips rose with a smile.

"I think I recognize you," the woman began, "Yes, we used to walk together. Times are different now, everything so much faster and more dangerous."

"Can you come with me again?" As Shepard said this, she felt as a terrible, gaping void opened up within her, threatening to draw her in and swallow her whole. Her loneliness was almost overpowering.

The beauty in front of her became very sad. Her face dropped and she looked towards the ground.

"I am afraid I cannot."

"Why not?" Shepard asked in desperation.

"I just can't. I am very sorry-"

"Don't say that! Don't say that-"

Realization dawned on her. Liara. The woman was Liara.

"I know you! You are Liara! You look so different. "

The asari laughed with the sound of a sweet melody. "I am not too different. I am who you remember me as."

"Did I make you run from me? Is it my fault?"

Liara smiled again. She moved forward and embraced her. "Of course not, my love. I just have a different road from you. You have a path, too. It is one you must follow to its end."

"Can't you share my road? Like you used to?" Shepard's eyes were filling with tears, her hopes hung by a thread.

"Do not mourn, for I am not lost to you. As long as you remember what we had, I am always with you."

Shepard began to weep in Liara's arms. She tightened her hold and buried her head in her chest. Old sensations began to reemerge. The slightest hints of a familiar scent, a touch, and a warmth that seemed so real. Why did this have to be a dream?

"I remember when I saw you leave aboard the Normandy. I remember the last time you looked at me with worry in your eyes. I never got to say goodbye. I just yelled at you. I don't want to have to lose you again." Shepard held her eyes shut tightly, holding onto a dream within a dream.

Liara gently pushed aside hairs upon her head. She leaned down and kissed her. "Hush, Shepard," she said softly, "do not cry for me. Your love survived even death, and the memory of me should give you strength, not sorrow. Remember me as I was, love me for who I am."

Moments passed. Shepard hoped it could've been a lifetime. Opening her eyes, she looked toward the caring face above. "Will we ever be together again?"

"Our roads crossed once before," Liara said with her voice a soft whisper, "maybe they will again. I cannot say, none of us can. We don't choose where we begin and we don't have much choice where this all ends. Other forces even decide what we do in-between those two points. Just cling to what makes you happy, what gives you reason to live. All the rest will fall away with the changing seasons of your life. So long as you have your sweet memories of me and the love of those around you, I think you'll be alright."

"I can't do this alone." Shepard said through her sobs.

"You aren't alone. Cry your tears, but you will have to dry your eyes soon. There is a lot ahead for you. You have survived so much and you will live through even the loss of me. When you wake up, I want you to stand tall, to be strong. You are a powerful woman who doesn't have to spend her time alone in anguish. Find comfort in your friends. Find refuge in their hearts, their devotion to you."

"I want to see you again." Shepard said quietly.

Liara bit her lip. "That is your choice to make. Just remember, no matter what happens, you will always have a part of me in you. You will always reside in me as well. Nothing will ever change that."

A bitterly cold wind began to blow. The trees began to sway, their leaves rustling with the rushing air. Theirs colors, once green with life, now began to change into red at first and then brown.

"It's time for me to go, Shepard. It is time for you to wake up." Liara said.

"Please just stay awhile longer. Please let me have this moment." Shepard said. It was not to be, as the figure before her began to step away out of reach.

"Remember what I was to you, Shepard. I will always be yours, no matter what time and circumstance do to us."

Liara turned, and with one final glance backwards, rushed forward once again. She disappeared quickly into another thicket of trees ahead. She was gone.

Shepard sat upon the floor of the forest. Leaves began to fall upon her, their colors changing even as the glided down towards her. As she caught one in her hand, it crumpled and blew away in pieces.

She felt as if a rope in her being had been tied to Liara, the image of her at least, that now departed. It was stretching, growing thin and frayed, but it remained. Part of her could still feel it, twisting and turning with the unseen movements of the other person who was bound by it.

Yet, she was gone. Out of sight. Shepard looked down and let the leaves pile upon her, burying her as the rained down.

"Shepard-" a voice said, "Wake up."

Her vision began to become blurry and then faded into nothing. She felt herself being sucked into reality once again, her senses returning to their normal state.

"Are you alright? Shepard?" the voice said.

She felt someone clinging to her from behind, holding her tightly. Opening her eyes, she saw the familiar gray walls of her quarters. She was under the covers of her own bed. Turning quickly she found that Kelly Chambers was the one pulling her close.

"You were talking in your sleep," Kelly said quietly, "you sounded very agitated."

For a moment, Shepard didn't speak, her eyes darting across the concerned face in front of her. Her mouth was dry and her heart was heavy.

"Kelly." She whispered.

"Yes, Shepard?"

"I miss her."

Kelly looked at her with uncertain emotions. "I know you do."

"I don't want to hurt like this anymore. I want to make this stop. This awful feeling of sadness is too much. I am supposed to be a soldier, but they don't train you for this."

"I wish I could do something to help the pain. I just wish I knew how. Tell me anything, and I'll do it." There was an intense look in the fiery-haired woman's eyes. They showed an incredible sincerity and eagerness to respond to whatever Shepard might say.

"Just being yourself, being here is enough. You've been good to me."

Kelly reached out a hand and caressed Shepard's face. She leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I am here for you. Anytime."

They held each other for awhile longer, neither saying anything. It felt good to hug so close to another's body. Shepard had missed that feeling, and Kelly was more than accommodating. Eventually, they had to get up, realizing they had slept for nearly seven hours. Kelly dutifully cleaned up the remains of last night's meal. Her attitude became very cheery again, talking and doing her best to lighten the mood. She went so far as to lay out her clothes and check messages for her, all part of helping prepare for the day.

"You have to see Miranda in half an hour." Kelly said while gently brushing Shepard's hair. Occasionally, she would struggle with knots, but her careful motions were soothing to the nerves.

"Miranda? How could I forget our daily meeting? I can't wait to see her cheery face." Shepard said with a snicker.

Kelly playfully hit Shepard's arm. "Now don't act like that! Miranda cares about you a lot. All the hidden things she does for you."

"Yes, yes, I know. She keeps an eye on me."

"Yes, she most certainly does." Kelly said with a distant tone.

After a few more minutes, Kelly made her way out, a final smile and hug goodbye before she left. Shepard stood and was ready to face a new day. The dream and its message still hung in the back of her mind, but she had to focus. She had to be strong.

As she made her way to Miranda's office, she greeted the crew members she came across confidently. Kelly's caring ways had made her feel better and while she didn't exactly have a spring in her step, for the moment she felt she had everything under control.

As the door to her destination opened, Miranda was found sitting in her typical spot, typing away at a terminal.

"Shepard." Miranda said in acknowledgement, not even bothering to turn her head.

"Always good to see you, Ms. Lawson." Shepard said with a smile as she sat, the door shutting behind her.

"Someone is in a good mood." Miranda's voice was flat, her demeanor cold and distant. Even as she focused on her work, something seemed to be distracting her.

"Well, shall we begin?"

"Just a few moments. I am typing up the last of yesterday's reports as well as our agenda for today."

Minutes passed without any attempts at conversation. Shepard grew impatient and began to fidget uncomfortably. She crossed her legs and, without anything better to do, began to ponder the floor's many mysteries.

"So," Miranda said suddenly, still staring at her screen, "how did your 'date' go?"

"Date?" Shepard asked.

"With Kelly Chambers." The name came out of Miranda's mouth through gritted teeth.

"Does word of everything I do travel around this ship that fast?"

"It is my job to look out for you, Commander. Also, Kelly is hardly subtle when it comes to her intentions."

Shepard uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. "Intentions, Miranda?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, actually I don't. Please 'elucidate' me."

Miranda continued typing, as if the conversation was thoroughly uninteresting to her. "All I meant was her intention to bring you dinner."

"I see. We had dinner, like you said. It was very nice of her to go out of her way like that. Kelly is very kind to me. I like to think we are very close."

Only Shepard's attentive eye could have caught the slightest hint of a grimace in Miranda's face.

"Yes, Ms. Chambers is very attentive to your needs. I just think that her behavior is sometimes inappropriate when she is around you."

"Inappropriate? How do you mean?" Shepard asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You must know. The way she acts around you. How she runs her hands over you-"

"You mean how she hugs me? Is hug the word you were looking for?" She was becoming irritated now.

"Whatever you want to call it. I just think you should be careful. Spending all that time with her alone. It could cause gossip and erode your stature as our commander-"

"Oh could it now? It seems you are the one most bothered by it. What's your problem Miranda? Do you not like how I happen to have a life outside of your watchful eye? Does Kelly's kindness to me rub you the wrong way? Why are the details of what I do in my personal life any business of yours?"

"YOUR personal life isn't my concern," Miranda said, her voice raised, "my concern is for the ship and our mission. I don't want anything to get in the way of our-"

"We slept together." Shepard interjected.

Miranda's fingers froze and her mouth fell open slightly as if in shock. A look of hurt passed briefly over her face, but she quickly recovered and began typing again, albeit slowly and as if rattled. "Well good to see you are finding something to do with your time. Who you have 'relations' with isn't important to me, I just hope that no one gets hu-"

"Literally."

"Excuse me?" Miranda asked with her eyes now focused on Shepard.

"We slept together in the most literal sense possible. Slept as in her and I closed our eyes and fell asleep next to each other. We woke up and here I am now."

Miranda let out a quiet breath of relief. "I shouldn't have pried into your personal affairs. It was none of my business." She said apologetically, "Are you two-?"

Shepard stood and slowly made her way towards Miranda. Clearing away a datapad, she sat herself right atop her desk and looked down at the face of the now embarrassed woman. "Are we what?" she asked in a low, almost seductive tone.

"I-it is important, ah," Miranda struggled with her words and anxiously began to run her fingers through her hair, "it's important I know if there are certain attachments aboard ship. To prevent conflicts, of course. Crew morale and all that. It's not personal, not really, or at all really, or, well you know what I am saying. Yo-you live your own life and, ah, well it is not my concern who you are with or what your orientation is or-"

"Orientation?" Shepard felt that she should stop, but part of her felt justified in making Miranda flounder.

"What I mean is your 'preference', who you, you know what I mean." Miranda look flustered now, her face was almost beet red. Her eyes refused to meet Shepard's steady gaze.

"You mean you know I like women? Is there a problem with that?"

"No!" Miranda said with a start, "Of course not! Oh, damn it. I've dug myself a hole here. Listen Shepard, I am just trying to look out for you. I am just hoping you don't get hu-I mean no one gets hurt aboard ship."

Shepard smiled at seeing the defenses of this usually stone-cold woman fall yet again. "For your information then, Kelly is a very close friend, almost like a sister to me. She uses her skills as a psychologist well and I really felt that talking to her helped me. In an unfortunate disappointment to all the whispering crew aboard ship, no, we are not together and there is no steamy lovemaking between us."

"Good." Miranda said, "I mean that it is good that we can put any rumors to rest then."

"We did cuddle though, spooning you might call it really."

Miranda winced slightly.

Shepard ran a single finger down the frazzled woman's face, stopping before she ran into her lips. "She also kissed me. Right the-"

"You are such an ass!" Miranda said, shaking her head.

Shepard laughed. "You worry too much, Miranda. No, sadly, I am still a single lonely woman." Though she said the words in jest, she could not help but a feel a slight pang of sorrow at the truth in them.

She stood and walked over to the window that stared out into space. The stars streaked by as the Normandy made its way swiftly through the darkness.

"It really puts things into perspective, doesn't it?" Shepard said wistfully.

Collecting herself, Miranda rose and walked over to her side. "What does?"

"Space. All of our concerns, our worries, wants, fears, loves, all the things that we consider so critically important are not even the tiniest blips in such a massive universe. To something so big, we must hardly matter."

"It matters to us, Shepard." Miranda said quietly.

"All of this. The Reapers, Collectors, the Citadel, all of it. You'd think for such advanced species' we'd have figured out a way not to kill each other. To feel things other than hate."

Miranda grabbed Shepard's hand and squeezed it softly. "There are other feelings in the universe than hate. For all of the immensity of existence, it's the little things, between people, that make sentient life worth living. We were blessed with minds that let us live beyond instinct. We are, in a way, the universe looking back at itself and being able to have experiences that stars, rocks, black holes and comets can never tell of."

Shepard turned, her hand still joined with Miranda's. "My, my, I never expected such words from you."

"Don't mock me."

"I'm not. It's a beautiful way to look at all of this. I wish that you would show this side of yourself more often. I am, after all, supposed to be an emotionless and hardened killer, or so the made-for-the-extranet movie about me says. I need someone to balance that."

Miranda chuckled. "No medium could ever hope to capture the reality of someone so wonderful."

It took a few moments for the depth of emotion behind those words to hit Shepard, or Miranda for that matter. Both of them swallowed at the same time, at a loss for what had just passed between them.

"I-I'm flattered you think that of me." Shepard said.

Miranda reached out and held Shepard's other hand. "I admire you. All you have done after everything this cruel world threw at you. You should be angry, you should be so-"

"What good would it be to be full of resentment? I didn't choose what was done to me. I can only choose how I react to it. These days, I do my best to make sure I live, well, as 'good' a life as I can. Whatever that really means. It is people like you that help me do that."

"I am not sure how much I do. After everything father did to make me perfect, I still am a dim bulb compared to you. All the best money could buy and I a-"

Shepard pulled Miranda towards her, almost causing their bodies to bump into each other. "I am tired of hearing that bullshit from you! If I don't have to feel guilty about being beaten down and poor, something I never had a choice in, then why should you feel bad about what you were born into, or how you came to be? You are NOT perfect, neither am I. It is the imperfections that make us need other people. I need YOU, Miranda, just as you are. What do you want? Should I flatter you endlessly with your good qualities?"

Miranda looked down meekly and shook her head.

"What should I say?" Shepard continued, "You are my wise councilor? The one I lean on for advice, for reassurance, for strategy? Should I talk about how without you this entire mission would have failed within its first moment? How I would still be dead? Maybe you want me to say how beautiful you are, or how smart, or-"

"Stop." Miranda said with a whisper and a weak smile. "You don't need to say all that."

"Good. Can we talk about me instead now?" Shepard said with a grin.

Miranda pulled back slightly, releasing Shepard's hands. Her breathing was slightly quickened and she seemed unsettled.

"Are you alright?" Shepard asked, "You look a pale."

"I think-I think I need to sit for a moment." Miranda nearly collapsed into the cushions nearby.

Shepard was worried. She took a seat as well and waited a few moments before she spoke. "If it was something I said-"

"I can't be near you!" Miranda cried out suddenly. She shifted her body away from proximity with Shepard's own.

"What? What do you mean?"

Grabbing at her own head, Miranda looked distraught. "I can't be near you! It-it just isn't right. I can't."

"Miranda-"

"No, Shepard. I-I don't know how to, ah, I've never felt, ah shit."

"I've never heard you use that kind of language before."

"Don't tease me! I am not joking!" She said, nearly yelling now.

Shepard was confused. Within moments they had gone from finding common ground to one person being full of anger.

"I am sorry. I don't mean to take this lightly. Just listen to me. Let's calm down and-"

"Shepard, you have to go!"

"Miranda, wait-"

"You have to go! I-I am beside myself. I can barely look at you without-"

"Without what?"

Miranda was breathless, her mouth open, her brow furrowed in anxiety. She just stared in speechless silence.

Shepard frowned and stood slowly. "Maybe we will talk later. We are almost to the refuel and resupply station and we will have to decide our next plan of action."

Miranda didn't even look at her.

"I don't understand what I did to make you-never mind. I will go."

She turned and began to walk away.

"It wasn't something you said."

Shepard stopped in her tracks. "Then what is wrong?" She heard the high-heeled steps of the woman behind her. To her surprise, she felt arms reaching around her waist and a head resting against her back.

It should've been an awkward moment, but there was no tension in the air. Shepard ran her hands over the arms that held her, slow and tender movements. "Miranda-" she began to say as she turned.

"Don't say anything. Words would just ruin the moment." Miranda whispered.

The dark haired woman looked into Shepard's eyes, her hands roaming from her lower back up toward her shoulders. There, her grasp tightened, almost desperately so. Their foreheads leaned one against the others.

"This is what matters, Shepard. How people feel for one another."

"And what do you feel for me?" Shepard was almost afraid to hear the answer. A mix of guilt and ecstasy ran through every fiber of her being. She knew what Miranda was going to say. She couldn't help but feel something too, even as her heart held a place for another.

"I want you to be happy."

"That's not what I asked."

Miranda buried her head in Shepard's chest. "We had better get-get back to business. I am sorry I yelled at-"

"Look at me." Shepard insisted.

"We need to talk about-"

"Look at me, Miranda." She was playing with fire. If she was smart, she'd walk away now. She'd stop this before it went any further. Her instinct was driving her forward, clawing at the insides of her mind to escape and take control of her. The lingering words of her dream were reverberating through her head. Liara's face was shining, her smile bright as the dawn. Yet, that was just an image, a vision. In front of her was a real live woman, a beautiful one at that. She could feel the warmth of her body, hear her breaths, and take in the scent of her skin. Her insides were being torn between a memory and this moment.

Miranda did look at her, with trembling eyes and a nervous expression on her lips. She looked as if she were anticipating something, waiting with baited breath.

Shepard was a leader, decisive and unafraid of war and all its terrors. She was on a different field of battle now, one against herself.

"I want this." She said.

"Then take it." Miranda responded.

Her mind cleared now, everything else being swept away by a roaring flame. She only needed to focus on doing one thing now. Nothing but this mattered.


End file.
